Episode #58: Inevitable Results in The Unstoppable Group with Anjali Kumar Kurani

May 09, 2023

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Today, I’m bringing you a special episode with one of my clients from inside The Unstoppable Group. Anjali Kumar is a hilarious and witty human, a brilliant lawyer, and a working mom of two kids, and I know you're going to love hearing her unfiltered story. 

As a lawyer at YouTube, Anjali knows herself to be smart and disciplined, but despite being a super high-achiever, she was struggling to reach her goal weight. She’s never considered herself a perfectionist, and yet, she discovered in The Unstoppable Group that she had some self-selected old thoughts that were coloring her weight-loss experience.

Tune in this week to discover what it’s really like inside The Unstoppable Group and how this work touches every area of your life in the best way. Anjali is sharing all of the amazing things we’ve uncovered about her weight-loss journey since she joined, the old thoughts that had been running her life for way too long, and how we made Anjali a plan and worked on her mindset to make reaching her ideal weight sustainably inevitable.



The Unstoppable Group is my intimate six-month coaching experiencing for high-achieving working moms who want to lose weight without a calculator. The next group starts in July of 2023, and enrollment opens on Sunday, May 21, 2023. Click here to learn more and get on the waitlist.   



What You’ll Learn from this Episode:


  • What has changed for Anjali since she discovered how coaching can help her on her weight-loss journey.
  • How we unraveled the way that Anjali was speaking to herself when she first found me.
  • How Anjali was able to start seeing her thoughts about herself and began accepting herself as she is right now.
  • Why reaching your goal weight isn’t about speed, but about permanence.
  • Anjali’s experience of losing her vacation weight with ease.
  • Why Anjali describes herself as a recovering perfectionist.
  • How Anjali has created a plan that works for her inside The Unstoppable Group.
  • Why failure is part of the human experience, and how to meet yourself when you inevitably make a mistake.
  • How the coaching work we’ve done together has transformed Anjali’s relationships at home and work.


Listen to the Full Episode:



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Full Episode Transcript:

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  • Dr. Priyanka Venugopal: Hey, this is Dr. Priyanka Venugopal, and you're listening to The Unstoppable Mom Brain Podcast, Episode 58, Inevitable Results in The Unstoppable Group with Anjali Kumar Kurani. Today I'm bringing you a very special episode with one of my clients from inside the Unstoppable Group. Anjali Kumar is a hilarious and witty human.

    She is a brilliant lawyer over at YouTube, and she's a working mom of two kids. Anjali shares on today's podcast conversation how she has always thought of herself as a very confident person. She's never considered herself a perfectionist, and yet she discovered simply being a high achiever, being a working mom, and being in this group, that she had some self-selected old thoughts that were really coloring her weight loss experience.

    I cannot now wait for Anjali to share her unfiltered story. We are going to talk about her revolutionary moments and also the ones that were incredibly raw. I'm so grateful that she came on the podcast and shared the story, and I know that you are all going to love it. Before I get into today's episode, I want you to know that enrollment for the July Unstoppable Group is opening on Sunday, May 21st at 9:00 AM Eastern.

    Make sure that you join the wait list so you get all of the details about the group and how to join sent directly to your email inbox. Spots in the group are capped and consult calls will be filled on a first come first served basis. So make sure that you join the waitlist over at theunstoppablemombrain.com/group.

    You'll get all of the details about the group sent to your email inbox, and you'll be the very first to get an email from me on Sunday, May 21st, inviting you to join. Okay, let's get into today's conversation. If you want to reach your ideal weight and create lightness for your body, you need to have simplicity, joy, and strategic decisions infused into your life.

    I'm a physician turned life and weight loss coach for ambitious working moms. I've lost over 60 pounds without counting points, calories, or crazy exercise plans. Most importantly, I feel calm and light on the scale and in my life. There's some delicious magic when you learn this work and the skills I'm going to be teaching you.

    Ready? Let's get to it.

    Hello. Hello. I am joined by the lovely Anjali. Anjali, I am so excited. There are so many things. I'm just telling you off camera, so many things that I want to talk about today. I'm so glad that you are here. They're going to have this conversation to talk about your story, your experience in the group, and let's just dive in.

    So just for everybody listening, can you just tell us a little bit about you and how you discovered Unstoppable? 

    Anjali Kumar Kurani: Sure. My name's Anjali, like you said. I am a working mom of two boys, Arjun and Navine. They are 13 and nine. #teenagemom and I am an attorney. I work at YouTube and that's actually how I discovered you, Priyanka.

    It was like a total universe speaking to me moment. So I was investigating a bug for work that had to do with podcast badging, like how we put badges on YouTube, was starting to ingest podcasts on the RSS feed. So your podcasts were sort of mixed, like some of them had badges and some of them didn't. And so I was like going through it and I saw that this had it and you had an Indian girl first name, a self Indian last name, and you were talking about weight loss.

    And I was like, click me. It's, I'm in. So it was just sort of the universe speaking to me. I started listening to your podcast from episode one and I got super hooked. I think I told you I went down a rabbit hole deep, like I listened to all of them probably in 72 hours. Cause I felt like you were talking to me.

    I was particularly struck by the one about the 12 phases of Weight Loss, cuz I feel like I have been phase seven for like just much of my life and it was very, it was like really, really powerful. I was like, oh my god, someone gets it. An Indian girl gets it. Like how can this be? This is amazing. I'm not that familiar with coaching.

    I like sort of don't know the industry or that's not a thing I had really explored or really taken advantage of. I now see that it is a whole universe of things to explore in many more Instagram memes. But I contacted you and we had a call and I think I was hooked. Like I just sort of, I got it. I got your story.

    I really liked your vibe. You know, my kids are both jocks. They have coaches and everything and the most important thing that my husband and I say about coaches is chemistry. Like the kids have to respond and the kids have to respond to their style. Some coaches are hard, some coaches are soft. I'll use your language, you have to find the Goldilocks coach. Like you have to be able to speak to the kid in a way that the kid will understand. 

    Dr. Priyanka Venugopal: Right, right. 

    Anjali Kumar Kurani: You meet them, you meet your athlete where you are, where they are. And I feel like you sort of did that for me, so. 

    Dr. Priyanka Venugopal: Hmm. I love that. I remember like when we first met in, I think it's in January on a consult call, and you said, I went down the rabbit hole this past weekend.

    Like what? How, and I remember when you said that you found the YouTube episode and there was like mixed badges. I was like, really? Do I have mixed badges on what? What's a badge? I didn't even, you're like educating me about my YouTube channel. I was like, okay, I guess there's something about mixed badges, but here we go.

    You know, I'm, I think that actually also, I wanna kind of go back to that moment where we talked first on the consult call. And I distinctly remember the tone and tenor of our conversation. First of all, for anyone that knows you and for anyone that is going to get to know you on this call, they will know that you are seriously the most lovely human ever.

    You're hilarious. You're so funny, and I think that, you know, I'm, I'm curious because a lot of that humor and that like that personality came out on our consult call, but also what we picked up on was the self-deprecation that the humor was touching on. Do you remember that happening on the consult call and then how we started to unravel that?

    Yeah. Tell me, tell me a little bit about the humor and the self-deprecating talk. 

    Anjali Kumar Kurani: You actually called me out because one of my bits, like, so I definitely consider myself funny. I definitely use humor. I like to laugh more than I like to cry. I will make a joke about almost anything. And the easiest thing to make jokes about are the things that are most painful.

    So I make jokes about myself a lot. And you know, I believe the story sometimes that by making a joke, I'm making light of it, which means it's not that important, but it's actually the opposite. And one of the things that you call me out on that I so distinctly remember because I was like, oh God, chases through my bullshit of my stuff.

    I was explaining to you that I know exactly what to do. This is not about like I am confused. No, I don't know why a sleeve of thin mins is turning me into a higher number on the scale. Like this is not about confusion. This is about me knowing exactly what to do and not doing those things right. And then I told you what I usually tell everyone, like, why would I do that?

    Who does that? Right? I ask these two questions and I ask them all the time rhetorically like It's part of my lexicon. And you said you're not actually asking those questions. You are just saying those words, but are you answering those questions? And I was like, oh, I don't know. Like I had never, I had never had anyone respond to the actual structure of the sentence before.

    It was a punchline. Why do I do these things? Throw your hands up. Exclamation point, walk away. Right? Like it was the end of the story and you were like, no, no. It's the beginning, like turning that exclamation point into a question mark. And honestly getting into the reason why you're like, that's the work.

    And I had always assumed that the work was, or that the answer was, cuz I suck. Like I can't do it because I'm just not dedicated enough. I'm not working hard enough, I'm not head down enough. And you were like, actually the answer comes before it. And it blew my mind that you called me out. You actually said we were gonna get to the bottom of things that I didn't even know we needed to answer.

    Cause I thought it was sort of, the joke was that I just needed to find the right plan. My whole MO before this was something works for everyone and I just need to my find mine. So let's try. Like Whole 30 didn't work. Keto didn't work, Paleo didn't work. They all work, but they're not sustainable.

    So like, let's just try the next thing. And you, you sort of turned that off and said, it's not about the plan, it's about the you. And it sort of made me uncomfortable for a hot second. I think you'll remember I was kinda like, wait, what? You're gonna make me answer questions that I've never had to answer?

    Dr. Priyanka Venugopal: Because, well, I mean, Anjali, you tell me whether this feels true, but that is also what humor covers is the discomfort. And I think that this is coming up again and again and we're good. We're we, we'll touch on this later in the conversation today, but we have coping strategies and humor is one for you. I think it can be running off and hiding for some people or staying really quiet in the room.

    Like everyone has a coping strategy that they used to cover their discomfort. And I think what happens in coaching is that door breaks open. And I think what you were saying is finding that Goldilocks coach that you feel safety with, that you feel like resonant and aligned with is so important because you have to feel safe.

    Because you and I have had uncomfortable conversations. I've asked you hard questions and you try the humor, and I'm like, and we're not, that's not working today. Like, let's, like, you know? Yeah. We're, we're gonna pause that. And also I want you to answer the question, and I've asked you, I've basically invited you to be uncomfortable, and I'm just curious what has been your experience of like putting the humor aside and really allowing yourself to feel uncomfortable in answering some of these questions?

    It's really hard. 

    Anjali Kumar Kurani: It's really, really hard. It's unfamiliar. Mm-hmm. It's one of those things where, you know, it's working because it's so hard, right? Like, you know how when you're like on a run and your quads are burning and you're like, I can't actually do this, and you keep doing it, you're like, oh, that's how I know I can finish mile five.

    Like, it's that feeling because you're, everything is burning. Like it really does take so much of my both mental and physical and emotional and spiritual. Like it takes all of my energy to answer some of those questions because I have been sort of hiding, or I've been joking about the fact that I don't wanna answer them for so long.

    It is a very, very well traveled path to like, make the joke and move on. Because the thing with humans is everyone likes the joke and everyone sort of accepts the social contract that the joke is the end. 

    Dr. Priyanka Venugopal: Yes. 

    Anjali Kumar Kurani: And you don't accept that, which is annoying but amazing. . It's sort of your superpower.

    And so because you push me in a way that I haven't, you make me answer questions that I haven't been forced to answer. You push me in a way that I haven't been pushed before it, you know, it does sort of open up new levels, which, yeah, I think I needed. I am enormously, enormously grateful, but it's hard in the middle. 

    Dr. Priyanka Venugopal: I know. Yeah, I know. And I have to tell you, I mean, this is one of those things also I'm gonna share this with you. Now, I didn't tell you this off before we started talking, but I really find that the reason that I can do that, and you know, it has to be again, in a very safe relationship and in a container that really promotes that level of integrity, I think is, I know that you actually have the answer and you just never said it out loud.

    And I will also say that I think that the deepest recesses of your brain actually do have the answers. You just haven't let them come to the surface. And so I think, because I know that's true, I know that the answer's never, I don't know, it's like you actually do know the answer, but we just haven't given her a voice yet.

    We haven't let it come up. I can hold the safety of the discomfort while you are reaching, while you're like swimming through and trying to figure it out. I can hold the safety of that and I wonder if that's what what you're picking up on. When you're like, oh, it's uncomfortable, but like also amazing.

    How do you feel when you find your answer? 

    Anjali Kumar Kurani: The answer is oftentimes revolutionary, oftentimes painful, right? Like when we were talking about a moment of discomfort that happened a couple weeks ago about loving your body now versus a goal weight. I struggled with some of your tough questions and was uncomfortable with both the struggle and the questions, right?

    Like I was just, I was dealing with a lot and at the end of it, even I, DM actually after I was exhausted, like was spent and it was hard to figure out why, because it's the kind of exhaustion that you have after like. What I would consider real work, right? Like a 10 hour day of a huge hike, like something that's actually gonna exhaust you.

    And this was exhausting from like, I started thinking about myself when I was young. I started thinking about relationships with your body. I started thinking about gratitude. Like I was thinking about all these things that you had stirred up. And it was revolutionary in the sense that I had never thought about those things before.

    And it really did bring up a bunch of stuff for me. It was also really hard because. 

    Dr. Priyanka Venugopal: Yeah. 

    Anjali Kumar Kurani: Woo. It was a lot. Yeah. To just, it was a lot, a lot of ingredients to deal with that I wasn't used to. You know, my, my liver's not used to processing those toxins, so I had a little bit of a coaching hangover.

    Dr. Priyanka Venugopal: Yeah. That's why I sent you a DM because I could sense that, I think, you know, for anyone listening, the conversation that Anjali's referring to that we have in the group, and I think it's such a necessary and important part of weight loss, is, of course we want to lose weight and we have this dream for our body of where we wanna be.

    Maybe we wanna look a certain way, but we wanna feel a certain way. And the question that I was posing to the group that I think is so necessary is, what would it be like if you didn't have to reject your body now to get there? What would it be like if we could actually look at our body now in the mirror with our contacts in and really, really like look at ourselves and not feel rejection or disgusted?

    What if we could learn how to see ourselves really from a more wholesome place? And I think that that touched on a lot of things for everyone, and I think, and you tell me whether this is true, the thing you said was an idea around I'm not lovable at this size, and we think that we have to believe that to push us to lose the weight.

    Right. And that was what I was challenging. You were saying. No, but like if I don't hate where I am in right now, if I don't like reject where I am right now, then I won't have the fuel to do the work, then I won't be driven to lose the weight. I'm curious, like where are you at with that now? Like what did you take away?

    Why was that call revolutionary for you where you were like, oh, maybe I don't have to reject myself to create that? 

    Anjali Kumar Kurani: Yeah, it's a good question and one that I have actually been mulling over a lot because like I said, it brought up a lot of things for me. So like you said, the beginning or the starting place for me was acceptance drives complacency.

    And what I don't want is I don't want complacency, right? I want action. I want down into the right. I want, I want progress, I want movement. 

    Dr. Priyanka Venugopal: Yes. 

    Anjali Kumar Kurani: I don't want complacency. And what I started realizing after you said you're the same human that you will be in 10 months when you reach the goal. And if you don't start loving her now, you're just gonna find the next thing.

    Right. In that group call, there was someone who is on like single digit pounds, which is very much not where I'm at. She was saying that she's worried about sagging skin and aging and you know, like I'd love to have the problem of I'd lost so much weight that my skin is sagging. That is not where I'm at yet.

    So I didn't quite understand, but you're at your goal weight. How can anything be wrong? Like, isn't goal weight the panacea for all things? And when it came out that it wasn't, and unless you change your thoughts, goal weight doesn't actually solve all the things. I started thinking about what it was about goal weight, that made me so happy and I realized it was me realizing my potential. It was me being at the place I wanted to be. It was me showing my kids that I can do hard things. It was me hitting a goal, a goal that I've had forever. And what actually came out of it, and this was a combination actually, Priyanka of, I don't think I've told you this, of the hard conversation about Right love it Now plus the amazing Dorito dinner story and making it fun, right? This like, oh yeah, this you'll, I'll let you tell that story cause it's just so magic. But this idea, I think Hope actually said it last week, which is you said you have to love the way you eat. Fine Hope said, if you don't eat now the way you want to eat, then now being overweight, then being goal weight, it's just gonna come back.

    Right? Like it is not sustainable if you're not eating that way now. And what I realized was, Oh, goal weight has to be an inevitability. 

    Dr. Priyanka Venugopal: Yes. 

    Anjali Kumar Kurani: Goal weight is going to happen because we're not about speed. We're about permanence. 

    Dr. Priyanka Venugopal: Yeah. 

    Anjali Kumar Kurani: And the inevitability is built in. I don't have to worry about complacency because complacency doesn't actually enter the equation when you know you're showing up for yourself.

    When you know that this is the experiment when you know like, oh, I did go up. Let's figure out why get up and do it again. Amen. Right. Like it's just, yeah. It's just sort of this consistency that I've never, it's never entered my psyche to have that because it's always been diet brain.

    Dr. Priyanka Venugopal: Yes. 

    Anjali Kumar Kurani: It's always been, I'm on a weight loss kick. 

    Dr. Priyanka Venugopal: And yes. 

    Anjali Kumar Kurani: In your parlance, I would never say I'm on a parenting kick. I'm on an attorney kick. Like you never say that, right? 

    Dr. Priyanka Venugopal: No. 

    Anjali Kumar Kurani: Like it's not a thing. So why would I make [00:18:00] my health a kick? 

    Dr. Priyanka Venugopal: Yes. 

    Anjali Kumar Kurani: I'm, I'm doing this. This is, this is my life and yeah, let's go. 

    Dr. Priyanka Venugopal: I love it. What you're talking about, you've actually just kinda described with coaching how sometimes a few different threads came together for you and it really created this moment of clarity around hitting this goal in a way that, the way that I think about permanently reaching your dream ideal weight is not a kick, it's not a short-term thing.

    And I think when we're talking about hitting a goal from a place of like, I need to drive myself, I have to feel driven, it's like that kind of gust of motivation. It feels powerful for those few moments that it's there, but then because it goes away, we don't have anything left. What you're talking about is like, oh, it's like you got to see that, wait a second, I wanna hit this goal.

    And also I wanna maintain it forever. What would that even look like? It's really shifting a perspective away from diet brain to what we do in the group. 

    Anjali Kumar Kurani: It's really shifting and it really... 

    Dr. Priyanka Venugopal: Yeah. 

    Anjali Kumar Kurani: ...matters that, so a lot of other times that I, I've lost weight a number of times in my life. I've clearly had it come back with gusto and more.

    Every time. And a lot of times it is very event driven, right? I need to lose weight. I lost weight before going to college. I lost weight before my two L internships. I lost weight before I had to lose weight in order to have baby number two. Like, I lose weight for these things. And then I get those things, like, I went to college, I had baby number two, and then suddenly I don't have a reason to lose the weight anymore.

    Which it always comes back to. It disappears. Like you said. You're on shifting sands when you have those, what you call motivation rather than commitment moments. 

    Dr. Priyanka Venugopal: Yes. And yeah. 

    Anjali Kumar Kurani: I would say to me, the two biggest shifts of mind, and I'm, I'm still like, You know, I'm still sort of marinating in it, in your words, but I, I would say the inevitability, like sort of understanding that permanence over speed requires patience over progress.

    Right? Like I will really get there by understanding what I'm doing and liking it and doing that over and over again, or, or changing it because the over and over again doesn't work. So that sort of non-linear progress that, that, you often talk, often talk about that plus this idea of experimentation, right?

    This, like, you call it the playful scientist, like that has really changed a lot for me because I hated the scale. I hide a lot. Like the reason phase seven spoke to me so hard is that I've spent years phases of life in a phase seven. Is it okay to speak in jargon like that? I'm assuming...

    Dr. Priyanka Venugopal: So phase seven, for anyone that's listening, you can go back and listen to the episode, but it basically talks about hiding or quitting from your weight loss goal. And that could last a day, a week, a month, a year, many years. We can spend a lot of time in phase seven. So that's what phase seven is for anyone that's curious. So what Anjali's referring to, right? 

    Anjali Kumar Kurani: And so I didn't hide a lot. Like I would,I would literally, I think I told you this post Kauai actually. Like in a pre-Unstoppable world, I would've gone on vacation. I would've had family desserts every night because it's sort of a tradition and we like it and we get into it.

    My kids and I playing games like we cheers with the spoons. It's adorable. So I had family dessert every night. I truly enjoyed it, but it was eating while not hungry, right? It was eating for pleasure of not eating for fuel. And it definitely reversed some progress I had made on the scale in a normal, not Unstoppable world, in a pre-Unstoppable world.

    Yeah, I would've said, Ooh, I don't wanna see that number. I know it's gonna be up. You know what, let's just be real good. Let's just like go hardcore this week. Let's cut the bread, let's cut the sugar. Let's, let's like fast a couple days when it's a better number, jump on the scale. We'll start, we'll start it again.

    Like, you'll be fine. And then life would happen. And I wouldn't fast or I wouldn't cut the bread and I'd go a little bit overboard and I'd be like, Ooh, you know what? Double or nothing. Yeah, I did vacation. Wait, plus coming back from vacation is work stress. And you have to clean your inbox.

    Okay, it's gonna get better next week. And then weeks would turn into, months would turn into years, and I don't even know where the scale is. And I'm like..., 

    Dr. Priyanka Venugopal: And you would add the, you would also add that line, which you kind of did on the consult call, which is like, you know, this is just like how I do this is like, you would add that layer on.

    And I think that that was one of the things you mentioned after coming back from your trip, which is like, usually you would just have that self-critical talk around what happened with the number. And that would create like even more. 

    Anjali Kumar Kurani: So, so much like the shame and the judgment and the why would you do this to yourself and how do you have no discipline and I suck.

    Dr. Priyanka Venugopal: Right. 

    Anjali Kumar Kurani: So the like the nonstop critic... 

    Dr. Priyanka Venugopal: Yeah. 

    Anjali Kumar Kurani: ...would've also by the way, driven me to eat. 

    Dr. Priyanka Venugopal: Absolutely. 

    Anjali Kumar Kurani: And none of that showed up post, post spring break, which was... 

    Dr. Priyanka Venugopal: What happened instead. 

    Anjali Kumar Kurani: ...what happened instead was, so I bought a travel scale for vacation. Who does that? But did it?

    Dr. Priyanka Venugopal: We do it in the group my friends. We do it in the group. Yes. 

    Anjali Kumar Kurani: See that's my rhetorical question. I do that. So yeah, did that and got on the scale and actually got super curious cuz I was like, all right, I know exactly what got it on there. Can we figure out exactly how to get it off? Let's go. And I like really was excited to jump back on the horse. I never really got off the bandwagon cause I was obviously like super aware when I was on vacation.

    But I was excited to come back to a plan where I wasn't dependent on the one hotel's salads to get me through it. I could actually make my own stuff and I could see, hey, what can I do with this? Like, is this number for real? Is this something I can reverse? Is this something I understand? I was genuinely curious about what I can do with it, which yeah, really, really isn't how I would approach things.

    Dr. Priyanka Venugopal: What was the result of doing that? Like, I want you to really think there's, there's two things I wanna say. First is the way that you were during your vacation, you were so much more aware of the way you were eating. It wasn't just like F it, screw it. Like who cares? I'm on vacation. Let me just do whatever you were thinking about the end in mind.

    And also you enjoyed eating sometimes when you weren't hungry. And what we've talked about is that it's never a problem. It's just like eyes wide open. Yeah. The scale might be up. It's not a problem. So because you are so aware during your trip, you didn't gain what you usually gain. That was the first thing.

    And then the second thing is you came back, you were so curious, like, okay, I know the skill's gonna be up. Super curious about it. You evaluated it, you shared your evaluation in the group, and we got into it with your excitement to get back. And what was the result that you created for yourself? 

    Anjali Kumar Kurani: I lost all the vacation weight in a week.

    Dr. Priyanka Venugopal: Yeah. It was just done. 

    Anjali Kumar Kurani: What week it was. God, it was insane. I was like, dang. 

    Dr. Priyanka Venugopal: Yes. That's so good. And, and I'm curious, Anjali, just kinda like speaking back to one other, one thing that you had said at the start was like when you first joined Unstoppable, when we even came onto that consult call, you had this idea of what you thought it would be like, you know, the messaging you resonated with you.

    Maybe what you heard on the podcast has resonated with you, but you had some ideas of what you thought it would be versus what maybe it's like actually been. I'm curious, like what do you think is the difference, like what you thought it would be versus like the revelations that you've been having in the group and what it actually has been for you?

    Anjali Kumar Kurani: Yeah, good question. I would say, I thought it was going to be diet asterisk, right? Like I thought it was gonna be almost more of an accountability coach. Like sometimes they have like health coaches where it's like, Hey, I didn't see your food journal today. Ooh, I noticed that you added cream and sugar to your coffee.

    Maybe maybe try cutting that today. Right? I thought it was gonna be really just someone to partner with on same old, same old. Right? Which is what you eat is what you get. Right? Like very, very much along the same lines of let's figure out what you're putting in your mouth and we'll probably do some of the why, but the why will be more around eat this, not that, right?

    Like, oh, I know that you were really craving a peanut butter sandwich. Why don't you try almond flour? And there are these great weight loss crackers. Go and, you know, I, I was sort of expecting a little bit of just handholding and guidance along those lines, which yeah. Not to knock it like that, that is sometimes really helpful.

    Like I said, there's a Goldilock plan for everyone. 

    Dr. Priyanka Venugopal: Yeah. 

    Anjali Kumar Kurani: What it has been for me is the, the surprising parts plural, are how the plan is really secondary. The plan is there, but it actually doesn't matter nearly as much as the why.. I could literally get up in the morning and do the daily work and decide that like the plan for that day is to eat kind of keto or the plan for the next day is to eat a little bit more whole 30 ish.

    Like it, it doesn't actually matter. What matters is the why and what matters is your why. Like, yeah, my why matters every day, and I don't think I expected that. I don't think I expected it to be really not about the food. 

    Dr. Priyanka Venugopal: I know. I think that's so fascinating and this is something that I think is important for anyone that's listening.

    Any high achiever that's like, you know what, I want to lose weight. And Anjali, you can speak to this, but like on our strategy workshop calls that we do, which is when you first start in the group, we do a strategy workshop. We do talk about the plan and the science behind how we want to eat in a way that makes weight loss really simple for your body.

    How to become a fat burner, how to eat in a way you love. Like we talk about all of that. And then I think what you're talking about is we get into why do we ever follow through or not follow through when we don't feel like it, right? Like and unraveling all of the things that drive us to eat when we're not hungry, what are all the things that drive us to not follow through when we said we would?

    Anjali Kumar Kurani: I think that's right. And yeah, it's a good clarification, I think. The time spent on the plan is so valuable and so anchoring and it becomes immutable. Right? Versus for me, the plan was the dynamic part of any diet because the plan was, I'm a plan chaser, I'm a plan surfer. I like love because I believe that the answer was the perfect plan.

    I love researching and I'm really good at finding and implementing. Like I have so many PDFs in my email inbox of the next best great thing, and I buy a new notebook for every plan. So I really was surprised that the plan was mine to control. And the plan is tweakable and the plan is lovely. Like by lovely, I don't mean like hearts and unicorns and rainbows, I mean that you love it, right?

    Dr. Priyanka Venugopal: Yes. 

    Anjali Kumar Kurani: Like that it is lovable and it's sometimes fun or always kind of fun and yeah, it's very, very unique. Like it's I think this is unique to you that the plan is unique to me and no one else would look at my plan and be like, Ooh, weight loss 101. They'd look at it and be like, Wait, what? 

    Dr. Priyanka Venugopal: Yes. 

    Anjali Kumar Kurani: You skip dinner and have a meal at 3:00 PM This is so weird, but it like, through just weeks of trying and experimenting and tweaking, I'm like finding the things that work for me.

    And the other thing that surprised me is, This is a little bit of an excuse, but I would say had come to the forefront before was, well, how come that happened? I have a whole family structure to support. Like there are, I work in an office where, right, like YouTube provides breakfast and lunch for me.

    Like there are, there's a pizza bar and burrito bar and there's a salad bar and frozen yogurt. And of course I go with my team and how could I not do that? And somehow it is not a problem. Like I am able to eat the stuff I wanna eat. Sometimes I bring my lunch, sometimes I make the lunch there, but it's whatever I plan to eat.

    Sometimes I don't have dinner because I had a big lunch. Sometimes I don't have breakfast because I had a big dinner. Like I have such flexibility in what I eat and I don't think that's the work. And in every other as aspect in every other time I've tried to lose weight. That's the work. And so when you talk about ease and simplicity, I think it's because the food is not the hard part.

    The food is the easy part, which I never would've have thought. The food is always been the hard part for me. But yeah, man, the brain stuff is so much harder. 

    Dr. Priyanka Venugopal: Yeah. And you know, I think that just to kind of honor what you're saying, I think so many high achievers, and this is why a lot of what I talk about on this podcast and what I share when I'm discussing the real solution to reaching your ideal weight is high achievers are so focused on the plan that they're distracting themselves from the real work.

    And the only reason that we do that is because we've been confused about the real work. And the reason we're confused is because we've tried a million other things and they haven't worked. And so there's a sense of confusion and frustration around like, if this didn't work and this didn't work and this didn't work, like maybe the next best plan will do it.

    And I think that that's just wasting time. And I feel like, you know, it takes a moment's realization, like when we got onto a consult call where you're like, oh, maybe it's not the plan. Maybe there's something else here that's actually going to create results. We have to figure out what that is because the one number one thing I will dispel time and time again is, and we did this on our consult call you and I, if you are a lawyer at YouTube, I suspect that you have some discipline and I suspect that you know, you are fairly smart and I suspect that you know how to follow through on things.

    So what if none of those were actually the reason that you never hit your goal weight? That's what we solve in a group. What do you think? 

    Anjali Kumar Kurani: I think that's right. Yeah. You actually asked me, so you said why to replay the consult call. Cause I do think it was sort of interesting. It blew my mind a little bit.

    Yeah. And I'm very rarely speechless. So I said, you know, I know exactly the right things to do and I just don't do that. Who does that? Why do I do that? And you said, why do you, And I was like, oh, because I suck. Like I have no discipline. I'm super lazy. 

    Dr. Priyanka Venugopal: You literally said I suck. I remember you said you suck.

    Anjali Kumar Kurani: Cause that's my, that's my line. Like I, I have a line in my, my mantra is, yeah, because I suck and I believe it to be true, I should actually change it from mantra to my thought that is fully changeable... 

    Dr. Priyanka Venugopal: Yeah. 

    Anjali Kumar Kurani: ...is I suck and I believe it. I don't suck in other things. Like I am super smart. I don't suck as a parent, but I suck as a dieter.

    Right. Like, I suck. And I said that to you and you said to me, well, what if you don't? I was like, no, no, no. You didn't hear me. You're supposed to laugh because I suck. We all, we all laugh and then we move on to you telling me that it's 600 am in the morning. Right? Like, that's, that's where we go next.

    You're not following the script, Priyanka. And you're like, what if you don't? What if you don't suck? And I remember being speechless because I have never considered a world in which I love my body at this weight. I don't suck when it comes to eating, goal weight is inevitable. Just gimme the time.

    There's no judgment around falling hard and making what everyone would say are poor choices around whatever mealtime or non mealtime it is. Like those are not my reality. That didn't exist for me. And so when you said, what if you don't suck? I remember being just sort of a deer in headlights being like, well then, I don't know.

    Cause I'm lost and... 

    Dr. Priyanka Venugopal: And that's why you come, that's why you joined this group. Like it makes a lot of sense where we have been so programmed to think that if I'm not able to follow through, I'm not able to follow this plan. There must be something that sucks. You might have the flavor of like, I suck.

    Somebody else might have a flavor of like, something's wrong with me. This is just one thing that I can't do. I might people do all these other things. This, this one area of my life is just one of those things that I just, I'm never gonna get. And if you feel confusion, I want you to know it's normal. And that's why you join a group like this where you get the answer right, you like get to the actual reason for you and then you start solving it, which is what you've been doing, which is amazing.

    Anjali Kumar Kurani: Which is the work in all honesty. Yeah. Like that's so much harder than giving a flower. 

    Dr. Priyanka Venugopal: Yes. One of the things, Anjali, one of the things we could, this is a little bit of a pivot, but one of the other things that we had talked about that I'd love your thoughts on now after we've kind of been unraveling, this is, you said a few weeks ago, maybe one or two months ago, like, I'm really confident, like I'm a very confident person if you met me.

    Like I'm a confident person. But we were talking about confidence in the face of emotions, confidence in the face of mistakes, confidence in the face of failure. And we kind of came to a point, and I think so many high achievers will resonate with this, where they try to avoid uncomfortable emotions or they try to avoid mistakes because they think somehow it's gonna knock down their power, their confidence.

    Do you remember that call? I'm curious about what your thoughts are on confidence now versus what it used to be before.

    Anjali Kumar Kurani: I would say it has taken me a second to start rocking my identity as a recovering perfectionist. Because if you had asked me pre-Unstoppable, are you a perfectionist? I would've said, no, I'm, I'm not a perfectionist.

    Right. Like one of the hallmarks of our legal team is that we make mistakes. And the only way you can have big, innovative growth and do the things that YouTube and Google do is to like make mistakes all the time. Or if you'd ask me like, oh, are you a perfect parent? I'd be like, hell no. Look at my kids.

    You know, like I would've made a joke about it and yeah, it would've been part of my story. But I started coming to you with all of these things that brought up emotions for me or brought up these urges. These like desperate. 

    Dr. Priyanka Venugopal: Yeah. 

    Anjali Kumar Kurani: Mind numbing. Could not white not go through it urges. And all of them were around places where I had an actual or perceived mistake.

    Dr. Priyanka Venugopal: Yes. 

    Anjali Kumar Kurani: I messed up in a meeting. I got in a fight with Ashish over a parenting decision. I had a coworker who I called Toxic, and you're like, he's not actually toxic. He's just a human. And what you did that was so innovating but powerful was, I would tell you this whole story. I'd have tone. I've had hand gestures, I'd had eyebrows going nuts.

    And you'd be like, okay, so somebody said some words. I'm like, no, use the tone. Use the, use the exclamation point. There were italics in there. And you'd be like, so he said some words and you reacted. And I'm like, oh, damn it that is, what happened? And what does that have to do with a cookie? And I'm like, yeah, we're done.

    Like, what are you doing to me? And it sort of made me realize that I have ridiculously unrealistic expectations when it comes to myself. And I never would've thought that because I actually meet a lot of them. Right?

    Dr. Priyanka Venugopal: Like yeah. 

    Anjali Kumar Kurani: In real life I meet a lot of them and I don't have the option to quit my job.

    I don't have the option to quit parenting. So what I've done by default is get up and do it again. Right. Like you just keep doing it. But I really would feel so bad when I didn't meet an expectation. I really would feel so I just cared so much that missing a mark or making a mistake or doing something that I would think about for a long time.

    Right. Doing something that was not what it was supposed to be. Whatever it is. Which is so human by the way. Like everybody does that. Like you would never, ever tell your kids don't make mistakes. Ever. Failure's not an option. Like of course you never gonna grow. But when it happened to me I felt so, so bad about it.

    Dr. Priyanka Venugopal: And yes.

    Anjali Kumar Kurani: Just really. James Clear has this thing where your identity is part of why you keep habits and my identity. 

    Dr. Priyanka Venugopal: Yeah. 

    Anjali Kumar Kurani: As someone who does the things, right? 

    Dr. Priyanka Venugopal: Yes. 

    Anjali Kumar Kurani: Like I do things, right? 

    Dr. Priyanka Venugopal: Yes. 

    Anjali Kumar Kurani: Was so questioned when I did things wrong that I just couldn't, I, it was hard for me to sit in that dichotomy. Right? 

    Dr. Priyanka Venugopal: Right. 

    Anjali Kumar Kurani: There's so much cognitive dissidence of like, if you're a person who does things right and you did things wrong, why? Why are you there? And I didn't want to sit with that because no one wants to be told they're not who you think you are. 

    Dr. Priyanka Venugopal: Like, yeah. And I think also, Anjali, what you're speaking to is a little bit like, and so many high achievers will know this, like logically we know we have to make mistakes to grow.

    Like you can read this on a slogan or on a poster and you're like, yep, that sounds right. Totally true. But when it comes to us personally as humans, we make a mistake. We have a fail. We say the wrong thing. We get into a fight, we make a mistake at a meeting, like something that maybe even really matters.

    What we are talking about is what if that was just a normal part of our human experience and we are going to feel some seriously uncomfortable emotions like embarrassment and annoyance and frustration and anger, and maybe even shame because we have a lot of thoughts about our making of the mistake, our making of like the, the failure.

    What we talked about is how do you meet yourself when you do? It's not, if you do, it's not if you make a mistake, it's when you do whenever it happens cuz it's going to happen. What would it be like to meet yourself there with confidence? It's almost like you never have to question your confidence ever again.

    The confidence is never on the line. What if real confidence is, wait a second, I can be a human and make a mistake and get into a fight and all of that, and how am I gonna meet myself? What now? Now what? It's kinda like even what happened after your trip? What happened after that work meeting? Like now what, and I'm curious how that feels for you to experience that piece.

    Anjali Kumar Kurani: It takes work and I think it takes practice, right? That confidence is allowing yourself to be vulnerable. Confidence is allowing yourself to make the mistake is really hard or it really goes against decades of show. No fear. 

    Dr. Priyanka Venugopal: Yes. 

    Anjali Kumar Kurani: You know, decades of armor up that it takes a second. Right. It takes concerted effort even to be able to kind of show up.

    But I, I would say the, the analogy is actually a really good one, which is you're not on a kick for performance. It's not temporary. It is get up and do it again. 

    Dr. Priyanka Venugopal: Yeah. 

    Anjali Kumar Kurani: Now how do you, you know, like the big word that came out during the pandemic was resilience. Like, how do we succeed in the face of very dynamically and rapidly changing environments?

    And the kids that do the best are the ones that are the most adaptable, right? Like, oh, we're on Zoom today, we're taking a nose swab tomorrow. We're in the classroom, two hours today, the next day. Like, yeah, the kids really, really had to go with the flow and figure it out. And the rigidity of perfection doesn't work in those moments.

    And the kids that did the best were the ones who just sort of went with it and had the confidence to know, whatever it is, I'll figure it out. Whatever... 

    Dr. Priyanka Venugopal: That's right. 

    Anjali Kumar Kurani: I'll figure it out. And so like that part of, yeah, true confidence is knowing you made the mistake, owning the mistake and saying, whatever the fallout, I'll figure it out.

    That's my work, right? Like that's the stuff I'm coming to. That's why I'm calling myself a recovering perfectionist. 

    Dr. Priyanka Venugopal: Yeah. 

    Anjali Kumar Kurani: Because it takes time every day.

    Dr. Priyanka Venugopal: Yeah. And I love that you even said like owning, owning it. And this is, I think one of like the core features of Unstoppable is the concept of really owning every result on the scale, in your relationships, at work.

    Everything. If we owned our results a hundred percent of the time, but we did it without the shame or the blame or the judgment, imagine what we would learn and then leverage and then tweak and then like figure out just from taking ownership. But I think high achievers are so used to having that monologue of, I can't believe you did it.

    And there you go again. And you shouldn't have done it that way, that we're not able to take a hundred percent ownership and it's just self-protective. 

    Anjali Kumar Kurani: Yeah. Cuz ownership can mean. Blame and who wants a demerit on their transcript. 

    Dr. Priyanka Venugopal: Yes. Not the high achiever. 

    Anjali Kumar Kurani: Not the high achiever. We've never had one, so Yeah.

    I don't even know how to deal with it, but like maybe that served us. Maybe that's for me, but I don't think it does anymore. Like I think, yeah, it's a much prettier picture to have a transcript full of like non-linear progress. 

    Dr. Priyanka Venugopal: Yeah. You were saying earlier that you know, a lot of our work has not been about the food.

    Like yes, we create that robust plan at the start, and you have all of that support, but you were saying it's not about the food. Can you speak a little bit to the changes that you've experienced because of coaching in relationships, at home and how you feel at work just because of the work that you've been unraveling for the last few months?

    Anjali Kumar Kurani: Sure. I'll give you two examples. One husband and one kid, because I think one of the things about coaching that. Again, wasn't expecting and has been a positive externality, is that it really does get into your soil and so it shows up, right? Like, because it, it's sort of a new way of rooting yourself and rooting your thoughts.

    It shows up in places that couldn't be further on the color wheel from food, right? Like, so example one is with my 13 year old, he, you know, deals with middle school and disappoint middle school is just a jungle of disappointment and like opportunities to learn. He had an instance where he had a moment with a friend, you know, a basketball game, went south, whatever, middle school.

    It's very, very real, but real for them. And I remember him coming to me and I said, well, what are you actually thinking? About the basketball game. Like he had described it in very, very editorial terms. And I said to him, okay, so he said some words. What were you thinking? And I like, remember taking all of his like power and italics and exclamation points out of it.

    And he looked at me like I had literally just cut off my own hands and started eating it. Cause he was like, you crazy? What? Like, that's not what happened. Like, didn't you just hear I was about to shoot a three? He fouled my hand and then he came into my face. Like, I was like, okay. So he said some words, you missed.

    What were you thinking? Like, what were the thoughts? And when he got down into it, we like actually ran through a model with my 13 year old and it was amazing. I was like, well, you know, you don't have to think that you're bad at basketball. Like, You can actually think that you're great at basketball and he just missed a shot.

    And he was like, but I missed. And I was like, sure, but your thoughts are the things that are like, so I actually like took him, I coached him. It blew my mind a little bit because it was super applicable and it worked like it was a fully revolutionary way to parent that I had never done before.

    And, you know, I'm not a ninja with the model. Like I still takes a lot of work for me to recognize my thoughts. Even, even if I can, it takes me a second, but wow. Someone else, like, I will say it is very nice to be able to like do a little bit of that, of that guiding. So it gave me another really fascinating tool in the parenting toolbox, which every parent can use to help.

    So I was happy to take it. 

    Dr. Priyanka Venugopal: I love that. And you know what, that reminds me even a little bit of like, I missed a shot, so I must suck. Reminds me... 

    Anjali Kumar Kurani: Oh my God, he's me. 

    Dr. Priyanka Venugopal: You see that? Oh, Anjali, this is why it matters. Like this is what it is. Like it's not anything we do on purpose. I think that every parent truly is parenting from their own inner zone of genius.

    And what we're doing is we're just becoming, because of coaching, we're becoming so aware of how some of our oldest paradigms are filtering into every part of our life. And to me, this is why we use in Unstoppable, it's for working moms, because we use parenting examples a lot, and I think the reason that they land is because we are able to access our complete love for our children so much more readily than we can access it for ourselves.

    Sometimes I don't think we think about self-love, like it's like such a, you know, woo topic, like self-love. But when we think about our child, we love them so much. Sometimes they drive us bananas, but I love them so much we're able to access it, and so then we can see so much more clearly when he says, I missed a shot and so I suck.

    You're like, ah. No, you don't. You're able to see that so much more clearly. But now you get to translate that. See how that feels for you when you're like, wait a second, I missed this thing. I might not suck. I wonder now what? 

    Anjali Kumar Kurani: Well, you did that to me. 

    Dr. Priyanka Venugopal: Yeah. 

    Anjali Kumar Kurani: In the love your body. Like what if your son came to you and said, I hate the way I look. I'm a disgusting blob. Please make it stop. And it was so easy to access an answer. Your intrinsic value is so much more than your body. Your body is just a physical case. You should, if you want, we can work on it. But remember who you are, you're always enough.

    Dr. Priyanka Venugopal: Like you just went on and on. 

    Anjali Kumar Kurani: On and on. 

    Dr. Priyanka Venugopal: Yeah. 

    Anjali Kumar Kurani: And when you asked me like, what about you? I was like, well, not me. That's different for me. 

    Dr. Priyanka Venugopal: And what felt, I'm curious, what felt hard for you in that moment also was because you said, once we really, once you saw that, you also felt this like sadness to recognize it.

    Right. Like, oh, I haven't been doing like what I'm able to offer to my kid, which is just coming out. I haven't offered to myself. And there was a sadness there, which is the part that's hard, right? It goes back to every emotion that we're trying to avoid. What do you think about that? 

    Anjali Kumar Kurani: Yeah, the sadness was really hard. The sadness was, like I said, I laugh rather than cry. It's like, it's like I'm not a big crier. I don't love sitting in the sadness. I don't consider myself all that sensitive either. Like I, my husband cries more than me. Oh, you should hear that. But I was so surprised. And I am like really good at making the jokes that the tears don't come.

    Like if I'm gonna laugh, its because I'm laughing if I'm gonna cry cause I'm laughing and I could not stop crying. It was so, I know real. And the sadness was twined with regret. Because what a waste. Like what a waste of just so much time. Like I know I'm so in touch with my 12 year old self. Like I know her and talk to her on such a daily basis cuz she's so a part of me and like, we are the same.

    And I, man, that's a long time, that's a long time for her to just be sitting in the muck. And it's a bummer. 

    Dr. Priyanka Venugopal: You know, I, I get it. And here's the thing, and this is what I have learned from my own personal work, what I share on here and what I invite anyone that's listening, if you ever feel that feeling like some sadness and regret, like, I can't believe I, I have been like that with myself.

    We just can apologize to ourself for that moment and be like, and how lucky are we that we discovered it now? You know what I'm saying? It's like, it, it kind of goes back to like, we get to make mistakes. This can be one of them. It's just one of many that we will make. And what if we, when you really feel apology, it's like, oh, I'm so sorry that I did that.

    I didn't even know I was doing it. And I'm so sorry. And also like, how lucky are we that we figured this out now? 

    Anjali Kumar Kurani: And the sooner you solve it, the sooner. Like it just makes everything better, right? Like that's the rising tide that it sort of adds to the why. 

    Dr. Priyanka Venugopal: Yeah. Right? 

    Anjali Kumar Kurani: Yeah. Like it makes for a more grounded, which is nice.

    Dr. Priyanka Venugopal: What was the other example you were gonna say? There was another example. 

    Anjali Kumar Kurani: Oh, the other example. 

    Dr. Priyanka Venugopal: Yeah. 

    Anjali Kumar Kurani: This was, I would say credit to you for picking up on something that I don't think I had picked up on. And I consider myself highly self-aware of all my stuff. And this is like in spousal arguments. So, you know, oftentimes we'll bring the, like the husband did the thing to coaching. And you actually point out, you're like, you know, it's weird the last couple times you've been talking about muzzling. And I was like, what? Now? You have a lot of veterinarians in your group, so I don't have vets in my life, so I don't have animal analogies. And I was like, muzzling, what? I do not consider myself a muzzler.

    Like I say, my peace. I am outspoken and rarely, rarely, one, to be quiet in a room if I have something to say. And I almost always have something to say. So when you said that, I was kind of like skeptical because I didn't understand it, and you brought up a couple of examples. You're like, well, you like didn't wanna engage on this and you know, Ashi said this thing and you didn't wanna go there.

    And I was like, whoa, you're right. Like part of what coaching brought out is, so I had always, I knew I ate after fights, but I always assumed it was because like, I'm so annoyed and what a dick and like F that, you know, like I assumed it was because I had a bunch of stuff running through me from the fight that eh, eating is a easy eating, is a nice way to like turn the volume down.

    You're at an eight, I need you to four. Like yeah, turn that down a little bit. And [00:52:00] assumed that food was just a nice way to get a little bit, take the edge off of those really spiky emotions. But you actually said it comes before that, like before all of those emotions pop up, before you have the thoughts that lead to those feelings.

    You're doing a little bit of muzzling, which of course keeps you frustrated. And of course can feel like you haven't had your day or can feel very constrained. And no one wants to be like that in the place where they're supposed to feel the safest. Like when you're at home or when you're with your partner.

    Like that's not a really good way to be. And I had to stand in silence again. Like, I was like, that's not who I'd see myself as. That's not a word I would ever use to describe myself. Yeah. And yet, You've got a bunch of evidence that I can't totally argue with. So that I think was part of pulling back the covers a little bit.

    I had to, I had to take some time to kind of like sit with it and evaluate it and actually think like, oh my God, yeah, she's right. Oh my God. 

    Dr. Priyanka Venugopal: You know what we do? It's like I don't have a crystal ball, right? So my like, what we're doing in coaching is when you're sharing what's happening at work or with your kids, or with your husband or with the scale, when you don't eat the food, when you don't just go to the food to numb the experience, all of a sudden we get access to what's actually happening.

    And so when you share that, I get to ask you questions and you get to be super aware of like, oh, I had no idea that these are the things that I've been covering and this is why, where the food does play a role. Saying no to eating when you're not hungry, all of a sudden will give you the greatest access.

    All of the stuff that's been wanting to be heard, wanting to come out, wanting to be healed. I think that that's kind of what we're talking about, right? Like we get to heal it or give it a voice. And maybe that's what that was for you. 

    Anjali Kumar Kurani: Yeah, it definitely was. I think giving it a voice was probably one of the more important ones.

    You had this analogy that you've used in a group before, which is you've got a lot of voices in your boardroom. And when a board member that maybe isn't the one you want driving the car or the one you want leading the company chimes in, you say noted, and you move on, you like allow them their peace, but don't actually give them, you don't hand over the gavel, you'll give them control.

    And what I have found is that analogy is actually really helpful, but for me, the way that I deal with it is I almost allow myself to laugh at the ridiculousness of it, right? Like my brain will offer lots of things and I'm like, that is amazing. Like, I'm so glad you are offering that. It's crazy. 

    Dr. Priyanka Venugopal: Yeah.

    Anjali Kumar Kurani: Like, yeah, who does that? But thank you for like, that was a good laugh. I appreciate it. Like, come again. This is good stuff. You got your five minutes. 

    Dr. Priyanka Venugopal: What a different way of being with yourself Amjali. Like what a different way of like really engaging with all, and we all get to decide how we wanna engage with the members of the boardroom.

    When you're the CEO, you get to bring humor with any and every board member that comes your way. And it seems to work really well. 

    Anjali Kumar Kurani: It is a work in progress. 

    Dr. Priyanka Venugopal: It's a work in progress. Speaking of, you know, just, you know, I like, one of the things that we talked about when I invited to have you on, you said, oh, but I'm not all the way at my goal.

    Like you have all of these beautiful, amazing results that you've been creating, but I'm not at my goal. And what did I tell you? 

    Anjali Kumar Kurani: That you like stories in progress? That the journey is actually the destination and success is the during, like what I said is there, there are before and after pictures.

    Priyanka. I'm a during picture. 

    Dr. Priyanka Venugopal: Yes. 

    Anjali Kumar Kurani: Like I'm not, I am not an an after phase. And you said that like during is success, like the process is the pinnacle. 

    Dr. Priyanka Venugopal: The success. And I want everyone hearing this to know that it makes sense that people want to share before and afters, like what is possible when you do the work.

    Of course. And I said, Anjali, we're gonna have you on again. When you, your goal, I'm putting it out and we're putting it on here. Listen, it's so official in the universe. When you're at goal, we're gonna have you back on the podcast. 

    Anjali Kumar Kurani: Brilliant. And it's inevitable. So I'll see you soon. 

    Dr. Priyanka Venugopal: It's just inevitable. Absolutely. Yeah. So what I really wanna share and the intention of this podcast in any and every story I tell, is that there is a beginning and there is the finish line of like you crossing that line, that goal that you have, crossing that beautiful line. But to have gotten there, I want to celebrate the story in between.

    I wanna celebrate it, I want to give it more of a voice. I want to share the ups and downs that come with any and every process. Cuz it hasn't been perfect. It has been full of the ups and downs. And also you're so much farther to towards that goal. I think that telling those stories are just, they're just so important.

    Anjali Kumar Kurani: It's completely on brand for you because it matches the ethos of love your body now tell the story now because you're the same human. Yeah. Love your body now. Cause you're the same person. The gravitational pull on your body will change, but like fix it now so that you can actually be there to meet yourself.

    Right. Like yeah. It works in your whole thing, so Yeah. 

    Dr. Priyanka Venugopal: Yeah.

    Anjali Kumar Kurani: I get it. I like cute clothes and I have a pair of jeans that is waiting for me when it gets there. So I'll wear that and it'll be great, but I'm not there yet. I know. I will get there though. That lightness. I'll get there. Like I have no question about it anymore.

    Yeah. Is amazing. 

    Dr. Priyanka Venugopal: Can you speak to that a little bit? Because I think so many of us have like a little doubt. It feels like we're being practical. Like I don't know if I will. Let's see how it goes. I haven't so many times before, and this idea of believing in the inevitability feels almost like, it just doesn't feel practical.

    Can you just share about that? Cuz I think that that's literally the difference between hitting goals inevitably and getting stalled. Going to phase seven. 

    Anjali Kumar Kurani: Phase seven. Yeah. So it actually started with the strategy concept call in January and you had us share our like slogans, like what are you thinking about this process?

    And I said, fingers crossed emoji. Hope it works this time. Right? Yes. That was my, and Hope, this is the best irony and you can't even write this stuff. 

    Dr. Priyanka Venugopal: Yeah. 

    Anjali Kumar Kurani: Hope said, hope is not a strategy. And she said like we were all in the chat on the Zoom and she said, you know, like, Action words are strategies, and you made us rewrite 'em to be declarative statements. Not catching language, not, yeah. I hope maybe this time, oh, good luck. I'm gonna try really hard. Right? Like all of these words that were sort of fluff and filler, to your point, keeping it real, but giving ourselves this out in case it didn't happen. And what you had sort of explained at the time was, all you're doing there is protecting yourself from the self flogging you would otherwise get if you don't meet it.

    So you're giving yourself a little bit of, you're preventing yourself from becoming the victim of your own harsh, harsh talk by giving yourself an out. But this is kind of going back to what we were talking about at the top, because it's not really a goal that is one time, it's not an event. It's not a need to get into the lang for the wedding.

    It is my body needs this and I need to find a way of serving her and eating in a way that is fun and delicious and sustainable and goes up and down. Like, let's face it, I, every other diet I've ever been on, I have been really well, much more linear, maybe not really linear, but I've got spreadsheets. 

    Dr. Priyanka Venugopal: Yeah.

    Anjali Kumar Kurani: Ever since Google Docs has been around, and it is a much more linear chart. And my process this time is significantly non-linear, like many, many peaks and valleys as the overall [01:00:00] regression line goes down into the right, but like many, many peaks and valleys. And what I realized is two things.

    One, I think that process of non-linear progress actually makes sustainability much more possible because each time I get to a new milestone, it's a milestone that's hard fought and won. So it's not something that is going to be taken lightly. Like it's not easy come, easy go. It's sort of like, Ooh, I got there and I know how I got there and I know how I didn't get there.So let's go on. 

    Dr. Priyanka Venugopal: Yeah. 

    Anjali Kumar Kurani: On the road that gets me there. And the second thing is, of course in old diets, I wanna go fast cuz I hate it. 

    Dr. Priyanka Venugopal: Yes.  

    Anjali Kumar Kurani: I wanna get outta the pain as much as possible. Like this morning I was doing these tricep kit backs, which like really started hurting my arms and I had to get to 12 and I did them so quickly cause I was like, Nope.

    Can't stay. I'm like, you wanna, you wanna get out of pain really fast. 

    Dr. Priyanka Venugopal: Yeah. 

    Anjali Kumar Kurani: And if that means doing 12 reps really quickly or just cutting all things carbs, including bananas and potatoes and you know, like all the things because it'll get you there fast and you get to like get in the dress for the wedding or you get to like, Show up for the thing in the, in the clothes you wanted to, of course you're gonna do it quickly because pain sucks.

    Dr. Priyanka Venugopal: Yeah. 

    Anjali Kumar Kurani: But if it's not painful, you can be there for longer and be okay with it. And do it for longer. Right. Like you don't have to be strict and then be loose and know that it's gonna come back. You can actually say like, oh, I know what slightly stricter looks like. I know what slightly less like you have all of these levers now to play with, and that process of experimentation and evaluation has been just so great.

    Dr. Priyanka Venugopal: I love it. It's like, I think what you're kind of speaking to is you learn certain tools in this group, certain strategies and then specifically certain tools that help you really figure out how to dial up the volume, how to slow it down, how to speed it up. And you get to see that you're in complete control of it.

    But we want a process that you have fun, that it feels simple and easy. That's forever because then you don't have to rush. You can just like let your life be your life and then like be alongside as you experience it. That's a hard thing for high achievers cuz they wanted a goal yesterday. They wanted to have hit their goal yesterday.

    And so when I'm like, yeah, but you need to slow down. Like we need to slow you down. We're not gonna lose like all the weight in a minute. We have to slow down so it's sustainable. What do you think is the one thing that helped you accept me saying you have to slow down for this to be a sustainable forever process for you to like really take that in because that's what you've been doing, which is everything.

    Anjali Kumar Kurani: I'd say I'm still in the process of accepting it, but a couple things really helped. One your story. Or stories like you don't even know. I don't think you actually know the impact of like your Dorito dinner story, your Cheeto Pantry story. Like seeing those things and having you say Goal weight is inevitable and it's not a problem, and I get up and do it again.

    I get up and I'm back on it every time is hugely powerful because I do think that there is a little bit of cultural personality when it comes to coaching, and so we all kind of look to you as a little bit of a mentor and guide and shaman, and you're taking us up the mountain that you've already climbed, so you're a little bit of our Sherpa, right?

    Mm-hmm. You're creating the safe space and carrying some, some baggage. Thank you. 

    Dr. Priyanka Venugopal: Yeah. 

    Anjali Kumar Kurani: But it's hugely helpful to have you say like, oh, I tripped there. Yes, it's okay. The path is still up because I've made it to the top, but this is where I fell. See, look, standing. All good. Standing at goal weight. I what?

    Dr. Priyanka Venugopal: What Anjali's speaking to. Cause I share a lot of this in the group. It doesn't always come out like the public audience, but what I share a lot in the group and even the one month behind the scenes vlog of me stepping on a scale every day naked. When I share the behind the scenes it is meant to demonstrate that the goal isn't perfection. There is no such thing because there is no such thing here I am at my ideal weight and also I have Dorito dinners with a glass of wine every now and then.

    And then what? Right? And then what? What is the background of that? I think that that is incredibly powerful because I think one of my most common lines is like, ask me how I know that. Like how am I able to pick up on something that you have experienced? Because ask me how I know, I did it myself. I did it myself.

    I've probably done it 10 times in every which way. So I can see every permutation that you're talking about. I can see it right through it cuz I have done it myself. And also at this point, I think there's so many, you know, but there's been so many, like hundreds of hours of coaching now, so many different permutations of this that we see in the room.

    Just speaking to that, like this room is full of high achieving working moms, and I think you tell me how it feels, the idea that you get the perspective of the other women in this group, what has the impact of that been on you? Because that's what we're talking about. It's like, see, I tripped here. Or that person gets to share like, oh, this is where I tripped up and this is how I handled it.

    What has been the impact of you being in a group with other high achievers, but still also getting your coaching, your personal needs met? 

    Anjali Kumar Kurani: I actually think it's how to scale you. Right? Like I think it's actually the way that you get the most diverse and all-encompassing advice out there, because I don't actually know all the questions I need to ask.

    Dr. Priyanka Venugopal: That's right. 

    Anjali Kumar Kurani: All the people in the room, everybody's coming with their own experiences and asking their own questions. And even though the coaching might be solving their problem, everything analogizes. And it is so amazing to hear someone else ask a question and I'm like, Ooh, you tweak time and place and I'm with you.

    Like I got that same problem. And your advice scales, right? Like your advice to her can apply to me. Or the complaint that she's having, I have too, didn't know I had it. It wasn't gonna get glitched on it because didn't come up for me or something else was louder. It wasn't one of those voices that got the mic that week, but hers did.

    And it's hugely helpful to actually hear her getting coached, watch the process that you and she go through. Think about how I would answer it. I will say like, there's something so amazing about the room because when you're getting coached, I'm fumbling for words. I can't find my emotions. I'm really in the hot seat and I find it to be amazing, but I'm oftentimes at a loss, like, your questions really stump me versus when someone else is getting coached, I'm like, answer.

    Yeah. Got it. I know. Like I'm right there. Sort of like following along very much like how, you know, you're watching a horror movie, you're like, don't go in the room. But I can see it happening with other people and it actually really helps because it almost allows, like that Arjun story I was telling you, it almost allows a little bit of like self coaching or coaching perspective.

    It's, it's the ability to actually see it in the wild that yes, uh, it really helps with, I also think there's, I was telling you this before or offline, it also helps to cut the loneliness. One of the things I used to say, one of my old thoughts was well, my brain's kind of broken. Like, I suck and this is a thing I can't figure out.

    I can figure out so much, and I am so dialed in on so much, but man, this is my, mm-hmm. Eating's, my kryptonite and triggers my drug, it's a choice. And my brain's broken when it comes to dieting. Like, I just can't figure it out. And to have all these people who, their brains are clearly not broken.

    They're the smartest people in the room, and they're amazing and they're doing amazing things. And to have their brains doing the same thing, mine is. Mm-hmm. It kind of helps me to say like, well, we're not all broken. Like, I would never meet her and say She's broken, so I'm not, Hey, I'm not either. Like, maybe we're all just in it together and here we go. 

    Dr. Priyanka Venugopal: Yeah. 

    Anjali Kumar Kurani: And the fact that a lot of them are doctors. I'm an Indian girl, I'm surrounded by doctors. Doctors are my favorite. I'm always just like, you guys made it through organic chemistry. Like, oh, this is, this is, this is nothing compared to that. Good on ya. 

    Dr. Priyanka Venugopal: Yeah. And, but I think that that is one of the reasons that I want this to be in an intimate group setting purposely.

    It's to validate the lived experience of each individual human, each individual working mom who has already gone through the experience of self-critical talk and the perfectionism and all of the things that have led us to this point. We can do our one-on-one private coaching and it can be really impactful.

    But I think when you see someone else who is also smart, super capable, clearly brilliant, also having real working mom thoughts, you get to start feeling, oh, it's not just me. Maybe there's something here that we can figure out together. And I love that you also said that sometimes you don't know the question to ask.

    This is what I found too in a group setting at, there's like a Goldilock size, right? Like you want just the right to make it an intimate group. Not too much, not too few, but really where you get the other perspectives, like you shared when you shared your vacation weight loss after like you lost the weight.

    Now somebody going on their next summer trip is like, oh yeah, remember Anjali had that coaching and she did the evaluation. They can just go back and see the coaching you got and they can go into their vacation so much more on it, so much more prepared just because of that. Or like a little insight about a relationship or with work, like you get to learn from others.

    I'm just curious, like when you think about your personal needs, your personal coaching, do you feel like, what would you say to someone that's like, you know, but I kind of want to make sure that I get coached. What has been your experience of you getting coached by me one-on-one in the group and in Slack?

    Anjali Kumar Kurani: I never feel like I haven't gotten what I needed. Ever. Like I actually tried to hide from you Priyanka on the Love Your Body call. 

    Dr. Priyanka Venugopal: Yeah. 

    Anjali Kumar Kurani: I was like, you know, I'm just gonna, I'm just gonna stay muted. I was like reorganizing a bathroom floor. I think I was reorganizing a cupboard and Hope had said she wanted to talk about some stuff.

    So I was like, oh cool. This is gonna be a listen call. I'm super into it and you just zeroed in and found me. And it was, it was what it was. So I would say I have never not gotten exactly what I needed. Sometimes I didn't even know I needed it. So you asked for, and I've gotten it. 

    Dr. Priyanka Venugopal: Yes. I will coach you on not what you listen, I'm the first to say, I will not always coach you on what you have asked for.

    I'll coach on what you need coaching on. Right. And I think that there's something really important about sharing that because a lot of what I share in Unstoppable is I will get in the weeds with you. I want to get in the weeds with you. That was the one thing that I felt like in any big goal that I have.

    I want coaching on my brain, but I want mentorship. I want somebody's eyes on the work I'm doing on how I'm winning. How am I failing? Help me see what I'm not seeing. Like what are the questions that I'm not asking myself? What am I not picking up on? Because I think if I picked up on it, I would not really be having this problem. And I think that that is... 

    Anjali Kumar Kurani: Or I'm doing things subconsciously. 

    Dr. Priyanka Venugopal: Yeah. Yes. And I think having that mentorship and that piece of like, this is what we do in the weekly evaluation, right? Like I'm going to get in the weeds with you, share your evaluation, and I'm getting in there with you, is that feeling like somebody has your back every day in this group.

    I have your back always. And that's at least the intention that I set for the container. I'm just curious how you have felt as a client experiencing that on the other side.

    Anjali Kumar Kurani: I would say it's definitely true sometimes to an uncomfortable extent. Like I remember an evaluation that I had put up, and then I had said something like, oh, well, my spreadsheet formula for weekly weight loss based on what I thought it was gonna be, isn't necessarily what I am hitting, even though I'm still down into the right, I'm not hitting the same milestones, like, I'm not going as fast as I thought I would, essentially.

    And I said the phrase, it's going depressingly slow. 

    Dr. Priyanka Venugopal: Oh yeah. 

    Anjali Kumar Kurani: You said, remember that? How does it feel when you use the words depressingly slow? And I was like, oh, no, no, but Priyanka, that was just my funny description. Here's the thing, here's the, the question is, but, but like, I'm not hitting it. And you're like, what?

    Why would you use that adverb? Like what does it cause or what is the cost of describing your process as depressingly slow? And I was like, well, I don't wanna answer that. Like, you're killing me with this. And I had to, I would, I had set him off the cuff, like I was, I was literally talking about something else and just like threw in a phrase that I was clearly feeling, but like was not trying to concentrate on.

    And you and I went like three rounds on like, yeah, well it bums me out because I want it to be faster. And you're like, well, are you gonna continue to do things that bum you out? Why don't you make it positive and that you're getting there and you will eventually, you know, like, yeah, it was a thing that I ended up getting coached on that was so what I would have considered tertiary in yes, the like scheme of what I thought I should be talking about.

    But this is the fun, spoiler alert, I have never maligned my speed again. 

    Dr. Priyanka Venugopal: That's right. 

    Anjali Kumar Kurani: Like I have sort of been, I've removed all the formulas from my spreadsheet so that I'm not constantly faced with what it could have been. And I am much more accepting of this is the right speed, cuz this is my speed.

    Dr. Priyanka Venugopal: And let me tell you, listen, ask me how I know. Ask me how I knew to do that. Let me tell you, because I am so familiar with every thought that will take you to phase seven. I am so aware of the thoughts that take you to phase seven. So you might think it's tertiary. Oh, it's depressingly slow. You might think it's a tertiary thought, but I know that keeping that thought is eventually going to take you to phase seven.

    You're gonna quit, hide and then what? Depressingly slow. It'll be halted and reversed. 

    Anjali Kumar Kurani: Right? I know that. So talk even more. 

    Dr. Priyanka Venugopal: So, the purpose of having a guide or a mentor or a coach who has done this work before you is they can catch when those thoughts are going to create for you down the road in the moment.

    It might feel tertiary. You're like, no, no, no, but I'm here to talk about how to speed up. Right? Like, or like, how do I get back, you know, to the rate of weight loss that I want and we'll get there. You, I think we even got to like, how do you wanna speed up your rate of weight loss first? You have to stop thinking about it as depressingly slow.

    It's gonna get in the way of you evaluating why your speed is what it's been. Why has your speed been depressingly slow? That's the question. Let's get into that. But the only way we can do that is by catching it and seeing what the outcome will be. If you keep it, it's gonna take you to phase seven.

    Anjali Kumar Kurani: Fascinating. I would've thought it was a throwaway thought and it ended up being the anchoring one, but it's one that I changed, right? Like yeah. The coaching... 

    Dr. Priyanka Venugopal: You sort of doing the reverse formulas, right? Or like, I think you said that you, you like swapped around how you're creating... 

    Anjali Kumar Kurani: Well, now I'm just, so what I had done is I had go eight at the bottom and I just plused the weekly number that I wanted to lose each sunday back. Right? So I have, yeah, I have my timeline. I've got it. So now what I'm doing is I am actually letting the Sunday weight be the thing, and I'm just minusing.

    Dr. Priyanka Venugopal: Yes. 

    Anjali Kumar Kurani: What it could be. So it just, it dynamically shifts, but it dynamically shifts based on reality, not based on what it could have been.

    Dr. Priyanka Venugopal: Yes. 

    Anjali Kumar Kurani: Like, let's be honest, I was putting myself at like, two and a half pounds a week. 

    Dr. Priyanka Venugopal: Yeah. 

    Anjali Kumar Kurani: Rate, which I've done before. I can do. Yeah. It sucks. Like the, the life you lead is not sustainable, which is why I've gained it back, but it is mm-hmm. This unattainable standard that I would hold myself to and it requires perfection.

    I am living in a much more sustainable way. Like cauliflower crust pizza is actually my new jam. I'm super into it. It does still have like cheese and fat and oil and you know, stuff in it that may not be like two and a half pounds a week. 

    Dr. Priyanka Venugopal: That's right. 

    Anjali Kumar Kurani: Type of diet meal, but it is a total lifetime meal. 

    Dr. Priyanka Venugopal: Yeah. 

    Anjali Kumar Kurani: I can do that. 

    Dr. Priyanka Venugopal: Like this is talking, this is what we're talking about. It's like, I love that you said you took reality into account, not what you wish it was. Yeah, and that's how we create sustainability. And even fun. Dare I say like, can we actually have fun? Wait, that's been the recent thread that we've been talking about in the, yeah, that's great.

    Can we actually have fun? Which is so good. I love it. We've been like, we've been talking for so long. I'm like, just like, oh wow. We've been going way, I'm sorry. Well, we're gonna be, listen, we're gonna be having you back obviously when you hit your goal. What I would love to kind of end on is what would you say to someone that's listening that has been thinking about joining the group?

    They identify as a working mom. They're a high achiever. They've tried things before and they feel the slight pull. They're like, I know Unstoppable feels right, but they have some thoughts about it. What would you say to them about this group? 

    Anjali Kumar Kurani: I would say it's worth the investment in yourself. So the thoughts can take many flavors if the flavors are around time, like I have a story about time constriction.

    I feel very guilty. If I'm not spending the time on work, I should be spending the time on kids. If I'm not spending the time on kids, I should be spending the time on work, right? Like those are the two competing very needy beasts in my world, and it doesn't leave a lot of room for yourself. And what I would say is you show up as a better worker and a better mom making the time.

    Surprisingly, time has not been an issue at all because it actually takes way more time to make bad foods, to ruminate on all the things, to beat yourself up. Like it takes a lot of energy to be that mean. And I did a lot, so surprisingly not the time sucked. I would say if the thoughts are around finances, this is why we work.

    You know, skip the purse because it's worth it. And if the thoughts are around, I hope I can, I don't need another failed body in my graveyard of diet plans. I think that's the one that you like, You probably explain it best, but this is the plan to end all plans because it's not a plan. It's you, right?

    All you're working on is getting better with yourself, so it's worth it. 

    Dr. Priyanka Venugopal: I love it. I love it so much. And I love that you came on and shared your story in the during. I know you're like, are we doing this in the during? And I'm like, yes. It has to be in the during. I love the during stories because that is where we plant seeds of possibility for what anyone anyone deeply wants.

    It's to know that it's possible. How do we know it's possible? They hear stories about the during, which I love you so much for coming on and sharing your story. It's been all good and we're gonna have you back guys. 

    Anjali Kumar Kurani: Let's do it love. We can continue. But thank you to Priyanka. I just like, you don't have to include this in your actual podcast, but I don't know if you know the impact of your work, and I don't know if you see sort of how much people kind of take from that because there is a lot of yourself that you have to give. There is a lot of just like you being there and you holding that space and you sort of sometimes pulling us along just by force of personality and sheer will and your lived experience as well. And it is hugely helpful and has sometimes been painful but like is dramatic and just so I'm so, so thankful.  So thank you. 

    Dr. Priyanka Venugopal: Oh, you're very welcome. And I just, I love it. I love it. My friends. Anjali, thank you for being here and absolutely guys, we'll see you at the next one. If you want to work with me, listen up. The Unstoppable Group is my intimate six month coaching experience for high-achieving working moms who want to lose weight without a calculator.

    My next group is starting in July of 2023 and enrollment is opening on Sunday, May 21st. You heard that right? It is coming soon. Sunday, May 21st is when enrollment is opening, so if you have wanted to work with me, I want you to start preparing now. You can join the waitlist and learn more about this group over at theunstoppablemombrain.com/group.

    And when you're on this list, you will get all of the details for exactly how to enroll on May 21st and how we're going to work together. I cannot wait to see you there and I'll see you next week. Bye. Thanks for listening to the Unstoppable Mom Brain Podcast. It's been an honor spending this time with you and your brilliant brain.

    If you want more resources or information from the show, head on over to theunstoppablemombrain.com

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