As working moms, we spend a lot of time on goal-setting. We think about the future and where we want to go. We plan it all out with schedules and highlighters, and we spend a lot of energetic bandwidth on the planning stage. But when it comes to carrying out the plan and creating results, something falls short.
Goals are what you dream about having for your future. Results are your dreams when they’ve been achieved. So, how do we bridge this gap and turn our dreams into our reality? Well, this is exactly what we’re talking about on today’s show, and the key here is setting delicious goals.
Tune in this week because I’m showing you how to start setting goals in a way that creates in-hand results while feeling light and delicious in the process of achieving them. I’m breaking down the common obstacles we tend to run into when it comes to goals around weight loss, why goal-setting requires a self-belief tapestry, and how to choose the best threads from which to weave your tapestry.
Priyanka: [00:00:00] Hey, I'm Dr. Priyanka Venugopal and you're listening to Weight Loss for Unstoppable Moms, Episode 10 - Setting Delicious Goals.
Today's episode, I'm going to be talking to you about goal-setting and reaching your ideal weight. I break down why having goals is important and the common obstacles that you might run into, specifically when it comes to weight loss. And finally, I'm going to talk you through how to set goals in a way that creates in-hand results.
If you want to reach your ideal weight and create lightness for your body, you need to have simplicity, joy and strategic decisions infused into your life. I'm a physician turned life and weight loss coach for ambitious working moms.
I've lost over 60 pounds without counting points, calories or crazy exercise plans. Most importantly, I feel calm and light on the scale and did my life. There's some delicious magic when you learn this work and the skills I'm going to be teaching you.
Ready? Let's get to it.[00:01:00]
Hey ninja warriors, welcome back. I love, love, love today's topic.
We're talking about goals and most importantly, creating in hand results.
Here's the best way to think about the difference: goals are what you dream about having for your future, and results are your dreams in hand.
I think that working moms especially spend a lot of time on goal setting.
We think about where we want to go.
We think about the future.
We plan it out with our ninja schedules, calendars, and highlighters.
And we spend a lot of time and bandwidth on the planning stage. The thinking about the goals and the thinking about the future wants- and the planning.
But when it comes to creating results, something falls short today's episode is going to help you bridge this gap.
This is something that really leads the coaching that happens inside The Unstoppable Group , my intimate small group [00:02:00] coaching program for working moms who want to reach their ideal weight. We create a loving partnership with your goal, where your goal becomes an ally.
And this is how you , turn your goals into, into hand results.
If you want to take the work we are talking about in this podcast and this episode to real life implementation and level up your skills to create faster results on the scale, check this group out. You can find out more information at theunstoppablemombrain.com/group .
Okay, loving partnership with your goal is not where we often start, so let's get into it.
For most of us, especially ninja working moms. We are very patterned and practiced wanting to achieve goals. Think of all of those times from your earliest years you wanted the A+, the gold star, the parent, or the teachers not have approval because getting those goals in hand felt good.
Like a win.
Listen, I love winning. I love the A's and I love the gold stars. And trust me, I have [00:03:00] loved my share of pleasing other people and getting nods of approval. Feeling good at having in-hand results is not just an umbrella of feeling good. They're important nuances. And I'm about to pull apart three of the most common threads that are weaving this tapestry.
The first thread is pure joy. I think of this as sparkly and delightful. It's a natural rush of feeling ooey-gooey pleasure at getting what you want. It feels delicious to get something you've worked hard for. You feel pride and success coursing through you.
You get that A on the test or a gold star on a project, maybe a boss, colleague, or patient gives you an amazing review.
You see that second digit change on the scale for the first time in years....
The thought we have when we experienced this is: "Yes. So fun. I'm getting what I wanted." And this thought is what creates a feeling of pride and delighted. Right?
Can you feel the energy behind this? I [00:04:00] call this type of feeling good as joyous and delicious at experiencing turning your goals in to Results
And your experience of setting goals is light too. You imagine that pure goodness of getting something you want and you start setting goals from a place of service to your future self.
For example, when you think about yourself one year from today, and you imagine what would be my greatest service to myself and my body one year from right now.
You might think I want to be at my ideal weight because I want to feel more physically comfortable in my body. I want to have more energy. I want to free myself of chatter from food forever.
The idea of this feels delightful and light, and if imagination or visualization is available to you and you can imagine goal setting from this place feels light, beautiful and sparkly.
Let's pull out the next thread. The next thread comes from what we make that success mean about us as humans.
So the A-plus [00:05:00] means I'm smart or doing a good job.
This gold star or weight loss means I'm more capable.
This amazing review means I'm more.
This is what I call conditional joy.
And this thread feels heavy, weighted, contingent, and pressured because it attaches your beliefs about you that you're smart, capable, or valuable on getting the goal.
And when we weave this thread into our goal setting, which we do often, without even realizing it, we create an extremely heavy, weighted and contingent experience of trying to create results. The reason that we do this is because there are times in your past that it's worked well. I call these times in the past these short bursts as "grit and grind," you're willing to power through because you want to feel that smart, capable, and valuable feeling, and you've attached it with achieving the goal.
And you can do anything for short bursts of time.
You can study for that exam, [00:06:00] pull an all nighter and put your life on hold.
You can get through a course or submit the research paper or project.
You can muscle through that latest fad diet.
You can put a smile on your face and say yes for a short while to all the people in your life.
Grit and grind absolutely works. You keep pushing yourself because your feelings of capability and value are riding on this, right? This way of goal setting is what leads us to overwork, under rest and say, yes, when we want to be saying no.
And the trouble with this is that it reinforces the grit and grind patterns. Because you'll get through that short period of time with some semblance of success, your brain will believe, "see the grit and grind works well."
Right? Maybe you get that A, you lose that pound, you do get a gold star or a five star review It's like "See!? It absolutely works."
But this is happening with negative outcomes along the way, like overworking and underresting. But because it's in the short term, your brain can justify these negative outcomes [00:07:00] or even ignore it.
We have years of this and here's the trouble-- when it comes to permanently reaching your ideal weight with ease. This cannot last.
Permanent and lasting weight loss can't happen with short bursts of grit and grind.
It's this mindset that has fueled the diet industry and fad diets. The Monday morning burst the juice cleanses, the keto, no carb plans, the restricted calories, the excess exercise, where we whip out a brand new week, a new app or fresh new calendar.
Now. Sure. If you were able to maintain this grit and grind forever, you would absolutely create weight loss results that also lasts forever. But will it feel simple, light and maintained with ease? Likely, no, because the way you lose weight is the way you maintain it.
If you're in the grit and grind to lose weight, be prepared to use grit and grind to maintain it.
This is why I really wanted to shed light on the second thread.
Because you're a human and not a robot, as I like to say, [00:08:00] you're not going to lose weight linearly. So what happens when you're fatigued, stressed you overate at that last week in barbecue, maybe you gain a pound or two or three. When you've set goals from this second thread you make it mean your weak, you're incapable. That... It's just not going to happen .
It's this, that makes that one pound turned into five, 10 and 50.
And unfortunately this further reinforces that you need more grit and grind, more deprivation and run a tighter ship. But as you can see, the second thread, conditional and contingent joy is mucky and heavy.
And to keeps you in a cycle that is frankly exhausting. Not surprisingly.
This leads to burning out at work and on the scale and leads to micro quits, which is what is holding back sustainable weight loss results with ease.
Sustainable lasting weight loss requires simplicity and joy dripped in at a low steady state.[00:09:00]
Don't worry. We're about to get to that in just a few minutes.
Let me just turn our attention to the last common thread that I see when it comes to goal setting. The absence of goal setting. Yes. Even ninja warriors will have an absence of goals when it comes to weight loss.
I imagined this thread as thin and fragile, your tapestry breaks at the slightest tug or pull.
One reason that we have an absence of goals is maybe you truly don't know what you want your goal to be. This might be because you can't possibly imagine or fathom creating your dream goal, or maybe you haven't thought about it because it seems so far away that it's just hard to visualize. Just know that this is so common when your dream goal feels so far away, that you can't even visualize it, it's so normal to just not set any goals.
Another reason that we don't set goals is fear. We have a fear of setting a goal, and then we worry about not hitting it. Traditionally, we have some [00:10:00] negative reflexive self-talk, some blame and judgment that we hand out to ourselves.
So it's not, 'not hitting the goal' that you're avoiding.
It's actually how you're going to talk to yourself when you don't hit the goal.
So what's the easiest solution to this. We just don't set a goal to begin with, right?
Here's the trouble with this very thin and fragile thread. Not having any goals, creates confusion and aimless wandering, and it reinforces a fragile belief towards your future self. It's so easy to go back to old familiar patterns, right?
So let's just establish that there are three common threads when it comes to goal setting.
Goals can be delicious and light, lit up and sparkly where you get to soak in wins from working hard, getting something that you dreamily want and feel a natural delightment at creating and hitting those goals.
You can also have goals that are steeped in thick heaviness, where you've attached [00:11:00] your value, your identity, or your capability in attaining them. This might work to push you hard for short bursts, do a fad here and there, but it cannot really be sustained. And it creates a cycle of burnout and micro quits.
And the last thread: an absence of a goal altogether. This is the thinnest most fragile thread of the tapestry, because you haven't truly been able to imagine your dream, it feels so far away-- the pragmatic part of you holds back creating a goal to begin with, or you have a fear of failing at hitting the goal.
These three threads can be woven into how you set goals.
If you took a pause right now and reflect on your tapestry of how you've been creating your weight loss goals, what threads have you been using and what does your tapestry look like?
For the most part, I would say if you aren't creating consistent results, it's because the goals you've set for predominantly with heavy and fragile threads. Weight loss goals that are woven by these, or [00:12:00] some mix of them will inevitably create some struggle for you on the journey or aimless wandering. It creates burnout and misdirection. And it's the reason that you don't have dreams in hand.
So, how do you create light and delightful goals? How do you ensure in hand results?
First just know that you don't need a perfectly 100% delightful tapestry to be woven-- let's just bring that to the forefront. It's okay to have all these threads woven into your tapestry, but we want to give thread one some more significant.
Instead of thinking of your weight loss goal as a mile marker to hit on a race, let's start to think about it as a beacon of light that guides the direction that you're going to walk in .
Here are the four steps that I like to recommend when it comes to creating delightful and delicious goals.
Step one is to imagine what goal would feel delightful for your body.
Take pause, before you answer this with [00:13:00] conventional answers. I'm never referring to mid-range BMI or what your mom thinks or what the movies say. Check in with how you want to feel in your skin, in this forever home of yours. What would allow you to be the most You to show up the most in your life?
If you had to guess how much weight would that be?
Honor the first number that comes up for you.
The purpose of this step is just to give your brain some direction. We want this beacon of light to just guide you and direct your brain. To allow us to plan a beautiful path forward. There are no stopwatches because remember this is not a race.
Our brains are craving direction. So instead of focusing so much of creating perfect plans, decide first what direction you want to walk in and love the direction you planned to go.
Step two is to give yourself the gift of breaking this goal into mini goals, so you create wins along your journey. [00:14:00] Don't withhold the natural pleasure of winning, holding out for the big goal at the end.
So if you have 50 pounds to lose, break this down into one pound, 50 times.
Every pound down, recognize yourself, allow the natural pleasure of creating that one pound down to course through you.
This kind of reminds me of this thing that my daughter does. We have something called a weekly fam jam, which I think I've mentioned previously on this podcast.
Basically we all go around and we talk about what we appreciate about each other and what we appreciate about ourself. And every time we get to my daughter, who's three and a half-- we get to what we appreciate about her, she starts pumping her fist up in the. It is the cutest thing that I cannot even describe on this podcast. But the smallest thing that we appreciate about her and she's pumping her fist up in appreciation of herself.
Somehow I think that this act of appreciating ourselves, recognizing wins [00:15:00] and allowing that pleasure to course through you is a skill that we have just lost.
This second step is allowing yourself to rediscover the skill that one pound down is your body releasing excess and allow yourself to delight yourself in creating this.
Here's the caveat: if you notice one pound down not being enough to celebrate or recognize yourself, or if you have a thought. "Anyone can do that, what's there to recognize, or I've lost a pound before, but have gained it back." You likely have a lot of thread to woven into your belief structure. You'll know this is you if one pound isn't enough... and you'll think you need to hit a larger goal to feel proud or recognize yourself.
Just be on the lookout for this, for this thread, taking over your tapestry.
Step three: untether from a rigid and linear timeline.
This means if you want to lose 50 pounds, don't plot an imaginary graph for you're losing two pounds per week for 25 [00:16:00] weeks, like you're a robot releasing weight written by a computer program. Sure, this may work out, but untethering from this type of timeline allows you to see yourself as human and introduce flexibility.
You may have a weeks you lose one pound per week, or maybe a few pounds per week.
Maybe you stagnate for a while.
Maybe you have a holiday weekend and you eat past satiety and you gain weight.
It doesn't matter because you can get right back to yourself and to process, you know, trust and believe in.
It took me 18 months to lose just over 60 pounds. I did this without counting, measuring, or weighing food. I did this without exercise and I loved my process and delighted in the way I was eating.
But it was not linear. There was even a time in the middle that I stayed stagnant for months. Being untethered from a linear timeline, allowed me to focus my attention on my process to become curious about what was working on the path and what wasn't. [00:17:00]
I had my beacon of light, my ideal weight, and I was walking in its direction. It didn't have to be linear. I could take moments of rest or I could slow down and it wasn't a problem. If I had been tethered to a linear timeline, I would never have hit this dream goal.
I might've even gained weight back. I would have seen those moments of stagnation and thought, "Ugh, see, it's not working. It's so hard."
I would have ignored the beacon and focused on the plan.
And this means I would have lost direction.
Untethering from a linear timeline allowed me to create permanent and lasting results. It allowed me to take rest AKA stagnant and even allow moments of slow progress. Because listen, I've spent decades tethered to linear progress, and that's what kept me stuck.
Untethering is what's actually created lasting and permanent results.
Step four: this is my last step. Allow yourself to stretch, even if it's new and uncomfortable [00:18:00] to get those in-had dream results. This stretch, while it might feel a little uncomfortable, isn't the same as grit and grind. This stretch will never lead to burn out. It only leads to the growth of you, your capacity to believe even more highly in yourself and your skills.
And this is where coaching can play a priceless role.
Inside The Unstoppable Group, we uncover limiting beliefs and walk the nuanced line of growing your capacity. We do this with honest, loving, and direct exploration of your brain, and it's seriously the best work you will ever do in your life.
Because this is where your tapestry's coming from.
It's why my clients are getting amazing results while being in this intimate room.
We're growing past old limits, and this can be for you too.
So to recap, allow yourself to set goals from a light and dreamy place led by how you want to experience your life [00:19:00] in this body. Challenge for old goals and honor a dream goal that truly feels right for your unique self. Celebrate and recognize yourself, walking the path, letting every pound down, being an opportunity to recognize yourself. Let yourself experience wins often. Untether yourself from a rigid and linear timeline to introduce flexibility.
If you have a beacon commit to walking on that journey, sometimes resting and sometimes slowing down and lastly, be willing to stretch yourself to do new things.
This is weaving a new tapestry friends.
You may notice old threads and they're sometimes heavy and sometimes fragile and that's okay. But don't taint your whole tapestry of goal setting with those threads anymore.
I promise you, this is how you release yourself of pressure and urgency to hit the goal. And it is so much more of a delightful way of creating in hand results. This is how you [00:20:00] drip in simplicity and joy, little by little, and it creates seriously massive and lasting and results.
If you're interested in working with me and want to take this work from your ears to real life implementation, The Unstoppable Group might be for you.
It is a six month coaching experience for working moms who are ready to reach their ideal weight with more simplicity and more joy.
You can learn all about the group and all the details for how to claim your spot at theunstoppablemombrain.com/group.
Coaching turns everything around-- it gets you unstuck, and it helps you untether from your obstacles. Inside this room, we are growing capacity to receive more pleasure and joy. We're losing weight and feeling lighter in our minds.
I'm telling you that this work doesn't just shed the weight. You fundamentally shift your relationship with yourself. It levels up and changes your whole life's experience, [00:21:00] which ninja mom you deserve. Don't wait on yourself. Turning future dreams into in-hand results is what we're doing in this room.
I hope to see you there.
Thanks for listening to Weight Loss for Unstoppable Moms. It's been an honor spending this time with you and your brilliant brain. If you want more information or resources from the show, visit theunstoppablemombrain.com.