96: Adding a Cookie to Your Salad isn't Balance

Summary

In this episode of the Unstoppable Mom Brain Podcast I’m taking you on a walk-and-talk with me, discussing the myth of balance in weight loss and how to truly achieve it. I’m diving into the misconception of balancing salads with cookies and why it doesn't work. I will unveil the secret to finding real balance by addressing the root cause of deprivation and restriction in your weight loss journey. I want to empower you as a listener to redefine your relationship with food and prioritize yourselves without relying on temporary fixes like eating a cookie with your salad. Get ready to shift your perspective and discover the path to sustainable weight loss without deprivation.

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What You’ll Learn from this Episode:

• The common myth of balance in weight loss.
• Why balancing salads with cookies doesn't lead to sustainable weight loss and how to break free from this cycle.
• How to understand the role of thoughts and emotions in creating feelings of deprivation and restriction around food choices.
• The importance of prioritizing yourself and making food decisions that align with your long-term goals.
• Insights into using your gut to guide your food choices and overcoming deprivation without relying on temporary fixes.

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Full Episode Transcript:

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• Hey, this is Dr. Priyanka Venugopal and you're listening to the Unstoppable Mom Brain Podcast, how to have balance while you lose weight. Today's conversation is coming to you on a walk I'm doing outside. So if you hear some birds or cars or occasional outdoor noises, then that is what is happening. I'm bringing you along on a chit chat walk and talk podcast episode because I had this idea based on something I heard someone say, and I wanted to just come and bust this down because this is going to be something that gets in the way of you losing the weight you want to lose.

  Eating a cookie while you eat a salad is not how you create balance for your life or in your weight loss journey. And if you have ever thought this is balance, having a cookie every now and then, whenever I eat a salad is how I have balance. I want to help you bust the myth. So I hope you settle in, enjoy today's walk and talk, and if this podcast episode resonates with you, if you love what you're hearing, I would love to hear from you. Send me an email over at [email protected] or tag me on Instagram. My Instagram handle is @theunstoppablemombrain. And I would love to know what your takeaways from this episode are and how you want to start applying it in your life. Let's get into it. 

  If you want to reach your ideal weight and create lightness for your body. You need to have simplicity, joy, and strategic decisions infused into your life. I'm a physician turned life and weight loss coach for ambitious working moms. I've lost over 60 pounds without counting points, calories, or crazy exercise plans. Most importantly, I feel calm and light on the scale and in my life. There's some delicious magic when you learn this work and the skills I'm going to be teaching you. Ready? Let's get to it. I cannot tell you how often I used to think that for me to lose weight, number one, I had to really restrict myself. I wasn't allowed to eat some of my favorite things like pizza or cheesecake or this amazing fro yo place with all the Oreos. Those are my favorite. And I used to think for me to lose the weight I want to lose, I'm not allowed to eat those things because I'm inevitably, I'm going to undo my weight loss success. And because I really held myself to a lot of those kinds of rules around what I was allowed to eat, what I wasn't allowed to eat, very naturally I felt restriction in my weight loss process. Now because of this, and because I told myself this for a very long time, it's probably what many of you have even heard with Losing the weight that you want to lose, the foods that you're not "allowed to eat", you have probably built in as well restriction into your weight loss strategy. And when you're not aware that you've been feeling restricted with weight loss, your very beautiful and brilliant brain will come up with a lot of ways that are very convincing and that sound reasonable for you to undo the restriction and the deprivation. It will say, we just want to be balanced. We just want to have an all rounded, well rounded, balanced way of eating. And this will look like you're trying to throw in the occasional cookie or slice of cake or bowl of ice cream, while you're also concurrently eating salads. Now what I'm here to tell you is having the cookie is not a problem. Having the slice of cake or the bowl of ice cream is not a problem. However, I want you to check in with what emotion is driving that decision. For most of us who are trying to Add some "balance" back into our life. The reason you're doing it in that way, where you're adding the cookie or adding the piece of cake or the bowl of ice cream, as “balance” to your salad, is because you're trying to solve for a feeling of deprivation.

  You're trying to solve for a feeling of restriction in your weight loss strategy. And I promise you it is never going to work. Why is it never going to work? Because a cookie will not take away your feeling of deprivation. Slice of cake, bowl of ice cream will not take away the feeling of restriction because nothing, nothing that you do or don't do can take away an emotion. I wanted to really emphasize this point because I remember for how long I used to think that I just wanted to have a balanced life and that meant balancing a salad with the cookie every now and then. But if you find yourself stuck on the scale or if you find yourself with really slow progress or you undoing weight loss results week after week, it is because of this.

  It is because you think that you can add a cookie into your strategy and that's going to give you “balance”. So where does the feeling of deprivation or restriction actually come from? When you know where that feeling is coming from for you, you will know that no amount of adding a cookie into your plan or adding the occasional slice of cake will ever undo it if you don't understand where that feeling is coming from. We're going to keep barking up the wrong tree. You're going to keep trying to solve the problem with the wrong solution, right? With the wrong answers. You'll perpetually be feeling deprived and restricted, even though you know you're doing this. If even though you have a cookie, you still feel deprived. Even though you, you add in the slice of cake, you still feel restricted. If you find yourself chasing deprivation and restriction, even though you've added in the occasional cookie or slice of cake, we know that this is going to apply to you. So where does the feeling of deprivation or restriction actually come from? It comes from your thoughts. It comes from sentences like, I'm not allowed to eat that. I'm not supposed to have that. I can only have a little. When you check in with that sentence that you tell yourself, Check in with your body. How does it feel when you tell yourself, I'm not allowed to eat XYZ food. I'm not supposed to eat XYZ food. Like when you have these rules in your mind, it's the sentences you tell yourself around your food choices that's actually creating the feeling of deprivation and restriction. And here's why this is so important to know because To change the feeling of deprivation and restriction around your food choices doesn't mean you throw in the occasional cookie, it means you change your thinking.

  Now to do this, This is not just meant to be an active cheerleader in yourself and to manipulate yourself into thinking that you're not, you're, that you're eating in a way that truly feels good. You actually have to do the work. You have to actually sit down with your future self in mind, with yourself at your dream ideal weight in mind and ask yourself some questions. What would it look like for me to eat in a way that I really do enjoy while at the same time making my body a fat burner? Listen, this is going to push you. I'm not talking about balancing a salad with a cookie. I'm talking about really designing with care, a way of eating that is built into your day to day life, that feels simple and sustainable, that you don't need constant breaks from. That is your ride or die BFF. If you have ever heard me talk about this, which I'm sure you have, And if you're one of my clients, you've definitely heard me say this. The way that you eat is your ride or die BFF lover for life. You have to love and trust your partner. The way that I like to think about the way that you eat and the relationship you have to have with your food decisions is like the way that you want to have with your partner for life.

  How do you want to feel about your ride or die BFF partner for life? You want to feel trust. You want to feel love. You want to feel partnership. You want to feel taken care of. You want to feel safety, right? These are the emotions we want to have with our partners. The way you eat is no different. The foods that you eat have to have the same, you have to have the same type of relationship with the way you're eating of love and trust and safety that you're going to be taken care of. Can you imagine having that loving, trusting relationship with your partner or BFF for life and then the cute hottie tottie neighbor comes out? You're not going to just go and give the cute hotty totty a smooch, right? Saying no to the cute hotty toddy is not deprivation. Yet, so often we tell ourselves If I have to say no to this cookie, then I'm deprived. This is such a lie. And I wanted to bring this example because I think it's such a, it's such a funny, silly example, but also really drives home the point. When you have a relationship with the way that you're eating, that is full of safety and love and trust, where you feel taken care of both in the moment and in the long term, saying no to the hotty toddy is a no brainer. It is simple. You don't have to throw in the occasional smooch with the hottie tottie to not feel deprived. That's like throwing in the occasional cookie to feel balanced with your salad. It's just not going to work. And the reason it's not going to work is because you will perpetually feel the need for the cookie to give you the feeling of balance. That's not where that comes from. So instead of ever thinking that a cookie is going to be balanced for your salad, I want you to ask yourself a different question. How do I feel about the weight that I'm eating? What have been the thoughts I've been thinking about the food I'm eating? Have I done the work?

  This is not always going to listen even your partner, your significant other, they annoy us sometimes. We have to put in the work. To love on them on purpose, to think about them purposefully, to curate a feeling of love and trust, right? It doesn't just happen. I can tell you how many times I get annoyed with my husband or irritated with him. And if I just let that feeling linger, it would create us drifting apart. So we have to, on purpose, just like with our partners, curate that feeling, curate a feeling of love and trust. Have I done the work to choose my thoughts about my food really carefully? Have I done the work to decide how is it that I want to eat that makes me feel taken care of in the moment and also gives significance and gives my goal the respect that she deserves?

  I just wanted to share that, that angle because I can't tell you how often I see all over the place, like not just with my clients, but on social media and Facebook groups. This is balance. No, it's not. It's not balance. A cookie and a salad is not balance. Here's a balance, really is balance is a feeling think about how it feels in your body to feel balance What is it that you're actually wanting right? I would say for most of us that it's not actually the cookie, right? What we're really wanting is to have a moment of pleasure a moment of joy a moment of relaxation We want to just enjoy something that tastes really good what you don't imagine that was how you thought about balance. A feeling of being taken care of, where you experienced joy, where you had some fun without undoing your weight loss success. What would balance feel like for you? What would that experience be for you? And really think about to create that feeling of balance. What would you be thinking? What kind of thoughts would you have? About the way you're eating, about the way you're prioritizing your body goal, about the way you're prioritizing yourself.

  I cannot tell you how often professional working moms are giving themselves the crumbs at the end of the day. And you wonder why it is that we want the cookie. Friends, we deserve way more than a cookie. A cookie is not balance. It's nowhere near enough. And I'm really on a mission for women to see that. A cookie is not balance, is nowhere near enough. So what would it be like for us to simply pause and recognize that as women, we have a tendency of giving ourselves the trail end, end of the day, the end of the day crumbs. What would it look like to prioritize ourselves in a way that felt gratifying in the moment? What would create that feeling of balance? And this is the hard part. This means saying no to certain things. This means reprioritizing certain things. This might mean saying yes to something that you haven't said yes to before. But really, when you think about the feeling of balance, now you make your food choices. If you felt taken care of and you felt trust and love and safety in your body already. without relying on the cookie. Just imagine what kind of food choices would you be making? What tiny little shifts would you experience? Having the cookie on its own is not the actual issue. It's our reliance on the cookie to solve deprivation that is, and that's our job. We have to really understand that deprivation is always coming from our thoughts. And we have to ask why, how have we created that? And why are we so reliant on food and alcohol and scrolling to fill that need? This is seriously the best work that you can ever do is to drop deprivation from your weight loss strategy. Because if you don't drop the deprivation, you will 100% gain the weight back. And here's why. There's actual brain science. When you feel deprived, if you have used anything other than your gut to drive how you're eating and when you're eating, even if you're surrounded by food, you will feel perpetually deprived and your brain at a chemical level, will drive up urges and cravings and will hold on to fat. It will slow your metabolism down simply because your brain is experiencing deprivation. Can you just really think about how brilliant is our brain to be able to hold on to fat when you feel deprived? Your body does not know if it's surrounded by food. Your brain does not know if it is surrounded by plentiful resources. If you keep the thoughts around food that creates your deprivation. If you keep telling yourself, I'm not allowed to eat x, y, and z, I'm not supposed to eat x, y, and z, and you're using something other than your natural hunger and satiety to drive you, you're going to keep feeling deprived. So this podcast episode is to drive home the point that the feeling of balance does not come from adding a cookie to your salad, it comes from your mind. And whatever you're thinking around your food that makes you feel deprived, it is really worth questioning. When we are practiced at using our gut to guide us, truly, we can never be guided wrong. This might be a, I mean, we all know that this is the truth. Our gut doesn't ever want things like cookies and cakes and cheesecake and nachos. Our body tells us in real time. Every time that I have eaten a plate of nachos, every single time, my body feels, oh, I feel bloated. I feel heavy. My stomach hurts, right? I get the message the next day on the scale. My body is telling me in real time, we don't really want this food. Now that's not to say. to never eat these foods, to never eat the cookie and the cake and the nachos, right?

  But when you use your gut to truly guide your decision making, when you're paying attention to how food feels in your body in real time, you're going to start making small micro shifts in how you eat those foods. So when you are eating the cookie with your salad or you are eating the nachos, the way that you eat those foods, will be different, specifically when you're using your gut to guide you. This is true. When you think about how do I solve my weight loss struggle without ever feeling deprived? This is the solution. This is how you have to get really good at paying attention to your gut and answering your deprivation in other ways, understanding where your deprivation is truly coming from and solving it at the root. This is why coaching is essential to the weight loss journey. One of the things that I'm able to do with my clients, because when you're in your own story, you sometimes cannot see it. And that's very normal, but I'm able to catch these thoughts for my clients and coach them on real time, coach them around what it is that they have really been wanting. If you're, if you're physically not hungry, but your body is wanting food, how is it a signal to look at another part of your life? What's happening for you at work, with your kids, with your partner? Why is it that you're feeling this lacking feeling that you're trying to use a cookie to fill?

  Seriously, this is truly an amazing signal that we have, but we have to stop using and calling a cookie as balance to salads there. It's not enjoy your cookie when you're eating it, eat it guilt free, but don't use it to fill your deprivation. It's just not going to work. I hope that this conversation was a short conversation, but I hope that was valuable for you to you. Change your perspective on how you are defining balance and to undo the need for the cookie to solve your deprivation and to understand that your thoughts about around food is where that feeling is coming from and that is where You need to put your attention. I hope you guys all enjoy today's episode.

  I'll see you back at the next one. And if you are loving this podcast and you're loving the content that you're getting here, I want to make sure you have my Free Five-Day Mini Course. You can get it over at theunstoppablemombrain.com/email you'll get one email from me per day for five days where I will be teaching you a tiny but mighty concept that you can learn how to lose the weight with less time when you understand some of these key skills. I hope you guys have an amazing week and I'll see you the next one. Bye. Thanks for listening to the Unstoppable Mom Brain Podcast. It's been an honor spending this time with you and your brilliant brain. If you want more resources or information from the show, head on over to theunstoppablemombrain.com.