Episode #64: How to Lose Weight with a High Achiever’s Brain

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Summary

High achievers face their own unique and specific challenges when it comes to losing weight or achieving any other goal. Like so many of you, I am high achiever and I tried all the different plans and strategies to lose weight without any lasting success. It wasn’t until I really started to understand my high-achieving brain did things start to change.

If losing weight is a perpetual struggle for you, I invite you to listen in. This episode is a recording of the masterclass I taught recently about why your high-achieving brain struggles to creating lasting change on the scale, and how to finally put an end to your counting and dieting. Your brain is unique, it has unique struggles, and it requires unique solutions.

Tune in this week to learn how to lose weight with a high achiever’s brain. I share the three biggest obstacles high achievers face with any goal they set, the keys to obliterating those obstacles, and how to stop reverting back to old habits. Grab a notebook and pen, get rid of any distractions, and listen in because what I share in this episode is going to help you finally move the needle in the right direction without turning back.

Join me for a free one-on-one consultation call where I want to hear about all the different weight loss strategies you’ve tried and why they haven’t worked. I’ll help you understand your amazing, high-achieving brain and even create a customized solution just for you on the call. Click here to grab one of the limited spots I have available!

You can still get the replay of this masterclass with all the visuals here!

What You’ll Learn from this Episode:

• The three unique obstacles high achievers face when trying to lose weight.
• How finally overcome those obstacles and lose weight for good.
• How you keep yourself in a cycle of not feeling good enough.
• The number one mistake high achievers make.
• Why you find yourself reverting back to old habits.
• An exercise for making future-aligned decisions.

Listen to the Full Episode:

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Full Episode Transcript:

Click here to download the full transcript

• Hey, this is Dr. Priyanka Venugopal, and you're listening to The Unstoppable Mom Brain Podcast, Episode 64, How to Lose Weight with the High Achiever's Brain. A few weeks ago, I did a live training called How to Lose Weight with the High Achiever's Brain, and for today's podcast episode, I decided to turn that live training into a podcast episode for you to come back to. Here is what I want you to know. 

  High achievers spend most of their bandwidth, their time, and their energy on making plans, but unless you understand the specific and unique obstacles that high achievers have, you're going to find yourself making the same mistakes again and again, and you're going to experience the same struggle on the scale.

  Weight loss will remain a perpetual struggle until you really understand that high achievers have unique obstacles and they have unique solutions. If you want to watch this masterclass with the slides, the visuals, and the presentation, you can still grab that over at theunstoppablemombrain.com/training.

  I hope you enjoy today's masterclass podcast style, and if you do, let me know over on Instagram over at @theunstoppablemombrain. Now let's get into the masterclass . If you want to reach your ideal weight and create lightness for your body, you need to have simplicity, joy, and strategic decisions infused into your life.

  I'm a physician turned life and weight loss coach for ambitious working moms. I've lost over 60 pounds without counting points, calories or crazy exercise plans. Most importantly, I feel calm and light on the scale and in my life. There's some delicious magic when you learn this work and the skills I'm going to be teaching you. Ready?

  Let's get to it.

  Okay, so welcome to today's live training if you are here, I am so excited for you. I have been thinking about this training for quite a while. It's been a training and really a process that I have been not just thinking about for a while, but it is something that I wanna just think of this as like my life's work has been going into how to help high achievers, specifically obliterate problems.

  How to help high achievers reach their goals, reach their ideal weight, and what you're going to learn today will not only apply to your goals that you have for the scale, though, that is of course the lens with which we're coming into today's masterclass with, but we are going to talk about how to create goals that you have been dreaming of in your life, in your work life, in your home life.

  We're going to be addressing how today's process really applies to all of it. If you can tell, I'm kind of giddy because I have been so excited about this masterclass. I love that you are all coming in. I just wanna give you a brief overview for how this class, this training is going to work. I want you to feel really comfortable in the Q&;A box, so at the very bottom of your screen.

  If you're here live, then so fun. Open up the Q&;A box at the bottom, and as you're talking, as I'm sharing with you the specific obstacles of the high achiever, I would love for you to share in the Q&A, whether it feels true, whether you feel like I'm calling you out and listen if you feel like I'm calling you out.

  It is always with love. Okay. If you feel like I'm calling you out, if it feels like, Ooh dang, that that's me, that's me. I wanna hear how much of what I'm saying is resonating with you, and also what flavors of those obstacles you notice coming up in your life. So feel very, very open to using the Q&;A box.

  And if you're watching this as a replay, if you are getting this training after the fact, then send me a message on [email protected]. I wanna hear, I love connecting with you all. I love hearing from you. So that is how the Q&A box is going to work. I'm going to share my screen in just a moment.

  We are going to cover the three specific and unique obstacles that I have found over 10 years of really working with my patients as a physician and working now with clients as a mindset coach. The three biggest obstacles that I see coming up again and again and again for high achievers specifically. And if you have ever had the thought, because I'm sure many of you have had the thought like, you know, I've tried all of the things.

  I've tried other programs. I've tried other modalities coaching. And I've tried counting, and I've tried so many things and it hasn't worked. The reason that it has not worked is because you did not address your high achiever brain. Okay? So that is the lens I want you to come into this class with. Ask yourself, did I address this, the specific thing that I'm talking about today?

  Did I address this in my previous attempts, in my previous strategies to reach my dream ideal weight? So I love it. Oh my gosh, it's so fun. I love seeing familiar names. Okay, so it's okay if you're driving and you're not active in the chat, Chrissy, it's no problem. Please focus on the road if you are kind of watching this, and also just know that the replay will be available to you.

  It's going to be sent to you. I highly recommend actually, like, thank you for reminding me. I highly recommend having a notebook and a pen available for today's training and closing all of the browsers. Like close your email, close the task list. Like if you're folding laundry, pause the laundry, pause your movie, pause the Netflix in the background, like, listen, I see you multitasker.

  Pause your other activities and just be here with me for 60 minutes of mind-blowing information and lean into how you're going to solve this problem. One of the hugest things, you're going to see this as a theme in today's training is high achievers are masterful at consumption. We are masterful at learning because we love being students, right?

  We're high achievers, and I wanna show you how we can turn around passive consumption into active engagement. But it means like being 100% focused. If you're driving, it's okay, but how to be 100% focused while you're here? So grab a pen, grab a paper, close the other internet browsers, and let's get started.

  This training is How to Lose Weight with a High Achiever's Brain. I am Dr. Priyanka Venugopal, the founder of the Unstoppable Mom Brain, and I am here to help the high achieving ladies of the world because I really feel like there are some unique struggles that high achievers have, and we want to obliterate them.

  I love the word obliterate because it's like for real. We're taking this seriously. I want to help high achievers obliterate their obstacles so they can create more of what they want. Who this masterclass is for. I want you to just settle into your chair, take a breath, and ask yourself, do you identify as a high achieving professional mom who simply wants to feel better in her body and have less chatter in your mind?

  Yes, okay. That is you. You are in the right place. You are someone that has been wanting to for months or years, reach your ideal weight, but do it in a way that feels sustainable forever without counting every point or a calorie that you ever put in your mouth. And more important than all of that, you want to finally be done with the fresh starts and actually understand what your obstacles have been so that you can finally overcome them.

  If any of this sounds like you, I want you to know that you are in the right place. That is exactly what we are doing in today's masterclass. We are going to obliterate problems. If you are new to me, then hello and welcome. I am Priyanka. I am a board certified OB/Gyn physician turned mindset coach for high achieving working moms.

  I am the founder of the Unstoppable Mom Brain and the creator of the Unstoppable Group, which is my intimate small group coaching program that specifically focuses on high achieving professional moms who want to feel better in their minds, in their bodies, and really create lasting change on the scale and in their life that is the key and in their life.

  Okay, and what I wanna share with you a little bit about me, that through my experience, both as a physician and as a mindset coach, I have talked, when I say talked with thousands, thousands, and thousands of high achievers, I know the high achieving women's brain very, very well. Now, how do I know? How is it that I know?

  Because I haven't just been on this side of the table as a physician and a coach, I have been my own first client. I have been right where you are. I completely understand the struggle because I also have identified as a high achieving professional mom who tried it all. I used to weigh a little over 200 pounds.

  I had tried counting points and calories and macros. I had tried exercising six days a week. I had tried working out with a trainer. I had tried downloading PDFs and webinars and downloads. I have tried it all, and I will tell you, and I say this with incredible gratitude to myself for having stuck with it.

  I have failed more times than I can count. I mean, I named maybe a handful of things that I've tried, but I have failed more times than I can count. And I have to tell you, I'm deeply grateful to myself for having never quit because along the way, I have picked up some common threads. Common threads that high achievers, because I am one of them high achievers have.

  And what I learned along the way through my countless failed attempts is that every single failure had some common themes, specifically because I had a high achiever's brain. I wanna tell you that my countless failed attempts eventually, because I did not quit, because I stuck with it and I was determined to solve this problem for myself.

  I solved it by cleaning up my brain. Okay, so I know high achievers love plans, and I know you love strategies. I have a whole pile of them right over there. I know you love plans and strategies, which we're going to get to, but really what I had to do first was clean up my brain, which means I had to deeply understand my high achieving brain tendencies and also really see the truth that, yes, my brain created all of my obstacles, which we're going to learn about today, but it also housed all of my solutions.

  Over about 18 months, I lost over 60 pounds, and I have now maintained it for years. I sometimes go up on the scale. I sometimes come down. It is not a perfect practice, but that is part of the process that we're going to talk about today. Over the years, in my own journey of losing over 60 pounds, of being an OB/Gyn and now turned mindset coach, I have developed a unique process that really addresses the high achievers brain, her obstacles, and of course how to solve them.

  So what I want you to know, and I'm curious, again, sharing the Q&A if you're here live high achievers, have some unique tendencies in how we think about our problems, how we think about our implementation, and how we think about results. And what I want you to know, and this might be a little bit of a bitter pill, a hard pill to swallow, is if you do not address your high achieving brain tendencies, you'll keep recreating the same results that you have created yesterday again and again and again, and you will be stuck in a cycle.

  How many of you're familiar with what I'm talking about, right? Like something works for a minute, you lose a little bit of weight, but then you gain it back, you lose a little bit, and then you gain it back. How many of you're familiar with this? Share with me the Q&;A. Yes, all the time. It's so frustrating.

  Yeah. And I wanna tell you, the only reason that you ever stay stuck in the cycle is because you did not address your high achiever brain, which is the best news, right? It's the best news. Because now if you learn, which we're gonna do in today's class, if you learn how to address your high achiever brain, you can start to break out of the cycle.

  So let's get started with what are the three biggest obstacles, and they're going to center around a concept called a think, feel, act cycle, which is incredibly important for you coming into this masterclass to become super aware of. Every single result that we are going to talk about in today's training, every result that you have on the scale that you have at work, that you have in your relationships with your partner and your kids, every result in your life for the high achiever is created based on a set of actions or inactions that you have taken consistently.

  So that number on the scale that you look at today that you maybe don't love is a compilation of compounded actions that you took yesterday, for the last week, for the last month, for the last many years. And if you really add up all of your actions and inactions, they have created your result today. But what I want you to know is that your actions and inactions, all of your behavior for the last week, or months or years, are not random.

  Okay, let me just say that again. Your actions and behavior are not random, which means if you start to understand your behavior, if you start to understand why you're doing what you're doing, why you're not doing what you're doing, then you will start to be able to actually solve the problem at the root. Today, what we wanna really do and what we wanna focus on is understand why your high achiever's way of thinking has held back results on the scale, and then we're going to be solving that together.

  So there are what I like to call three unique obstacles, specifically for the high achiever. They are centered around pleasure, procrastination, and perfectionism. So let's just start with the very first one, which is pleasure. Pleasure is a loaded word for the high achiever because it is complicated. I would say that a majority, and this is not all, but a majority of high achievers, really wrap up their pleasure with their productivity, right?

  So I'm curious if this is you. I want you to think about this for just a minute and share your answers with me in the Q&A. Think about what are your thoughts about being productive? What are your top two to three sentences that you think about your efficiency in the workday, how productive you wanna be at work, the task list that you have at home, your mile long list of to-dos.

  What are your top two or three sentences that you think when it comes to your productivity? And I'm also curious, how do you think that it actually impacts your rest, your relaxation, and your pleasure? I had a client once and she was telling me that, you know, she had so many things to do, like she had a mile long list of things to do.

  She had a lot of errands to run and she would open up Google maps and like map out the most efficient and effective route so that she could take care of all of her errands in like the least amount of time so that she could get more done so she could actually like rest in the evening. Right. How many of you in your brains think like that?

  Like what's the most efficient way, what's the most strategic way to get more done so that I can then have some rest. Okay. Joy is sharing. Sometimes I'm productive and sometimes I suck at it. Yeah. Okay. We're gonna talk about why that is. The predominant thought and I'm curious of what flavor this is for you is if I insert your work, if I got more done than I would feel more proud, feel more accomplished, have more time for myself, then finally maybe I'd be, be able to take a proper break, then I would have the energy to focus on my goals.

  Right. I'm curious, how much does that come up for you? If I. Or when I finish this email, finish this task, finish this project, then I will have the time to focus on myself. Hope is saying, I think that's me. Yeah. Okay. Yes. I want you to really think about how often you think of me, or when I finish this task, when my life gets easier.

  When this is done, then I will get to fill in the blank. I wanna tell you why this sentence in your mind is a serious problem when you think, okay, and again, this is something that the high achiever is like really steeped in. You're marinating in the tea of this sentence. If I did more or if I did better, then I would feel better, satisfied, fulfilled, or proud.

  I want you to check in how does that actually feel? What emotion is that for you? Share it in the Q&A. Yes. Okay. So good. Not enough or inadequate, really check in. When you keep thinking in your mind, if I just did more, if I just did better, if I just finished this X, Y, Z task, then I will get to feel better.

  Then I'll get to take care of myself. And the trouble is for most high achievers, because we have not defined what more is, it's a perpetual cycle of not enoughness and what high achievers will typically do when they keep the sentence, if I just did more, if I just did better, if I did more, then I would feel better.

  They start overworking. They start overloading their plan. They keep adding like they have a to-do list, but it's ever-growing. Like you might knock it all off, but then you keep adding to it. You start delaying needle moving actions when it comes to your personal growth, which means things that would actually serve you losing weight, get bumped till tomorrow.

  You're like, you know what, let me actually just knock off this one more thing. Let me just write that one more email. You know what? Let me just finish this one more project and then, and then I will take care of myself. When high achievers do this, they delay needle moving action towards their actual goals.

  Now, I wanna just define really quick because I'm going to be referring to needle moving action in today's training. Needle moving action is the specific actions that you have to take consistently that will move the needle on getting to your target goal. Lemme just say that again. Needle moving action is specific actions that you take on a routine basis that will move the needle on actually hitting your goal.

  I want you to think about what are those needle moving actions that will really help you get to your goal? You keep delaying those actions. So when you keep thinking, if I just did more, if I just did better, then I would have the time to take care of myself. You're going to be in a perpetual state of not enoughness.

  You're going to keep trying to hit this impossible standard that we've not even defined. Constant state of inadequacy, that you keep trying to do more work more, do more, work more. You keep delaying or bumping yourself to the next day, to the next week. And the trouble with this, it creates the result of your desired results waiting.

  They wait another day, they wait another week, they wait another month. Now I wanna tell you the trouble with this because not only are your weight loss results waiting and being stalled, your addiction to doing more and being more keeps you as a high achiever in a perpetual state of feeling, not enough.

  I'm curious how much of that resonates with you. You will feel like this perpetual state of not enough. And because you're feeling like that, you're gonna keep trying to fulfill this impossible standard. You're going to keep trying to hit a moving target that never leaves you feeling satisfied or fulfilled or accomplished for long.

  I'm curious because I know I used to do this, I would lose a few pounds and I thought like, you know, if I just lost some weight, then I would feel good, then I would feel motivated. So I would lose a few pounds and I would feel good for like maybe five minutes, and then immediately I would move on to the next target.

  How many of you do that? You like cross something off your list, you finish a project, you finish the email, you finish the emergency at hand, and instead of actually feeling satisfied and fulfilled and accomplished, you're like, what's next? Moving on to the next problem that you have to deal with, right?

  So this is an example for how high achievers stay in a perpetual state of not enoughness, to keep on finding more to do. And as you do that, as you attach your productivity with your rest and relaxation and taking care of yourself, you get perpetually bumped. Now I want you to really, this is just something that I observed for myself and I'm curious how this feels for all of you.

  If you do this, if you keep that perpetual state of not enoughness, you're going to go through your whole life perpetually waiting, because not enoughness is something that will never be satisfied. I love this phrase more isn't better. I used to think more is better, more is better. Bigger is better. It's not.

  More is often just more. More especially the way that the high achiever like really comes into doing more and being more is a never ending chase or just more. I want you to think about the last week, okay? I want you to really get granular and think about the last week, the last month, and the last year as you have been thinking, you know what?

  When I finish this task, then I'll take care of myself when the kid's potty trained, then I'll take care of myself. When this project is done, then I'll take care of myself. When summer break is over, then I'll take care of myself. I'm gonna keep working and working and working and working. Delaying my own personal gratification, taking care of myself.

  A point will come along the way. Friday night, after a week of hustling and overworking, your brain is going to say, I deserve a break. And because we haven't been caring for ourself with rest, relaxation, and pleasure, we haven't built it into our life that thought is very believable. Food. Having a snack, pouring the glass of wine becomes a super easy solution to fill the gap because you haven't been taking care of your rest, relaxation and pleasure.

  Right? How many of you are doing this right? Friday night, or for me, it used to be like Tuesday night. Forget Friday night. I get to a Tuesday night and be like, oh, I deserve a break. I've been working so hard. Yes. Okay. So what I wanna tell you and kind of the point to make for lesson number one is pleasure is not equal to productivity.

  Just because you're more productive does not mean you're going to feel more pleasure. And this is the number one mistake. It's like the starter mistake. I think the next two points are going to be incredibly valuable. But the number one mistake high achievers make is they attach pride and pleasure and rest and self-care contingent on productivity.

  And this leads to a perpetual life of overworking and fatigue, which is the main reason that you need to break from weight loss. How many of you have been like, I need a break. I need a break from weight loss. I need a break from my strategy. I need a break from the plan. Why do you need a break? That's my question.

  I wanna ask you. Why do you need a break? Right? You need a break simply because you are overworking and overextending your plan and how you're showing up in all of these little areas of your life. And what we are talking about today is what would it look like for you if your pleasure and rest was completely separate from your productivity?

  This is really hard, I think, for the high achiever to imagine, but really think about how a rested brain, a brain and body that is being taken care of routinely and regularly, that is being cared for, that is getting rest and relaxation. How that version of you that is properly taken care of will make better, higher quality decisions on a regular basis.

  Okay? Not just with how you eat. A rested brain and a taken care of body will make better high quality decisions at work and at home. Okay. And the beauty of this, this is what I like to call win-wins. Okay? I love win-wins. This is like a win-win scenario. When you learn this, when you learn how to take proper care of yourself and build it into your life, you will focus better at work.

  You will show up as the way that you want to as a mom in your life with without sacrificing personal goals. You'll be more productive when you learn how to rest your brain and your body. Yes. Okay, so we're going to, and we're going, after I go through all three of these obstacles, I'm going to share with you my specific solution.

  So now we understand the very first biggest obstacle is productivity driven pleasure. The second one is procrastination. This is a big one for high achievers specifically because procrastination for the high achiever is really sneaky. Okay? I am smiling because, I mean, I can spot a sneaky thought a mile away now because I've had, personally, I've had all of them.

  Your brain, which is brilliant, has come up with many, many, many ways to delay needle moving action. And often, often feels very justified in procrastinating. You know, every single time you've thought like, you know what, I'll start again tomorrow. Listen, how many of you have thought that I'd like to start tomorrow?

  I'll start tomorrow. Just one more. Just today. Lemme just like, you know, let's screw it today. I'll just start again tomorrow. Any time your brain has thought that it has felt very justified, and we're going to talk about, especially for the high achiever, why that really matters. Why is it that we do this?

  Like high achievers know, if I just followed my plan, I'd hit my goal, right? We know this. So why is it that high achievers who are brilliant humans, why are we procrastinating? Because taking action in the moment is uncomfortable. Following your plan in the moment is uncomfortable. This is normal. Okay?

  Procrastination is normal. So let's talk about why this is a problem. Every single time you hear that sentence, you know what? I deserve a break. Just one more bite. You know what? I'll start again tomorrow. I've had a really tough day. So much is happening for me at home. You know what? My husband said this crazy thing.

  You know what? My kid is acting crazy. I'm getting curveball after curveball, after curveball. I just need a break. Every time you think that you will feel justified, and I share this because high achievers especially have so many thoughts, because you're a high achiever. You're living the life of a very, very high hardworking human.

  You have many thoughts that are true. Your kid might be acting crazy. Your husband might be acting crazy. Your work might be crazy. So the thought I deserve a break is true. You're going to feel justified, but the trouble when you keep this thought, when you keep this feeling is you're going to procrastinate on making decisions, and you're going to have so much more negotiation.

  How many of you want a break from negotiating in your brain? This is, I think, one of the biggest things. You want to hit your ideal weight, you wanna lose the weight, and more than that, you want to stop negotiating, right? Yes. Okay. So when you feel justified, you also will delay needle moving action. And again, just like in the previous example, your desired results will keep waiting.

  Now, this kind of goes back to what I was just sharing. High achievers are justified in wanting a break. You're working really hard at work and at home. You have all of the life obstacles coming your way. All of the curve balls coming your way. It's justified that you want this break. While that might be true, procrastinating is not actually going to create the break for you.

  So not only do your weight loss results stall or regress, you don't actually solve the life curve balls that you're wanting to get a break from. You don't solve why you're getting these curve balls. You don't solve how to navigate these curve balls. You just kind of keep getting lobbed at. Like, I think about like tennis, you know, like those, it's kinda like, you know that tennis ball machine, you're just getting like thrown tennis ball after tennis ball after tennis ball and not picking up the tennis racket and learning how to use the tennis racket to lob those tennis balls away.

  Your procrastination is you not picking up the tennis racket. So you could be there, like I, I actually am loving this analogy. I want you to imagine you're there and the tennis balls are just coming at you from the tennis ball machine and you're like, you know what, this is not right.

  I hate the tennis balls, like I'm getting hit left and right. You are justified in that thought, but not learning how to pick up the tennis racket is preventing you from solving the problem and actually lobing the tennis balls back. The worst thing that I see happening time and time again is that the more you procrastinate, the more overwhelm you create, which perpetuates more procrastinations.

  You can see this is quite a cycle. I find so many high achievers where they'll have a plan. The moment will come to follow through on the plan, but they will procrastinate because they have so many reasons for why they shouldn't follow their plan. The more they procrastinate, the more they delay their results, the bigger their pile of past attempts become, the more overwhelmed they get and the more they procrastinate.

  This is normal. Okay. If this is you, I want you to know you're not alone in this. This is so normal, but what we really want to see, what we wanna get super aware of, is procrastinating is not actually solving anything. Procrastinating is not properly giving you a break. Procrastinating is not going to ever stop the curve ball, tennis balls from coming at you. So not only do you keep the results waiting, not only do you keep your dream ideal, weight waiting. The trouble with this is when you repeatedly procrastinate, your brain learns habits. Okay? So habits are basically shortcuts that your brain has made that you will just implement without even thinking about it.

  You will find yourself having the habit of not following through. You'll find yourself in more consumption, more learning, more passive action. It'll become a habit, right? I'm curious, how many of you feel like this is a habit? Yes. Okay. This will become a habit rather than doing active creation, actively solving the problem.

  And I want you to know that this is normal. If this has been you, if you have had an awesome plan but not followed through. You simply have the habit of not following through. This is solvable. This is fixable. But you have to know that turning the needle, moving the needle in the other direction is going to be uncomfortable.

  Following through when you haven't followed through is going to be uncomfortable. And I wanna tell you. I wanna normalize why that is. Our brains, our normal human brains want to conserve energy. This is just the most fundamental, basic thing about being human. Our brain wants to conserve energy and taking action, taking new action, challenging yesterday's habits is going to take energy. So if you have found yourself in old habits, if you find yourself reverting back to old habits, it is simply because taking action has been uncomfortable. You haven't wanted to feel the discomfort of taking action, and your brain has been like, let's just not do it.

  Let's just procrastinate. That's all. So now we know that productivity driven pleasure and our very normal justifications are two of the biggest reasons that we stall on needle moving action. Okay, let's talk about the third, which is perfectionism. I think, and I talk about this all the time, I think of perfectionism as the high achiever's kryptonite.

  Okay, and I want you to know that we need to zoom out because not every high achiever identifies with the term perfectionist. I know I'd never really identified as a perfectionist, I just identified as a hard worker. But the way that we define perfectionism in our orbit today is you not only want to collect achievements and A plus work and gold stars and really do well, you also at all costs want to avoid imperfect moments and mistakes, right?

  If that is you, you have a perfectionist tendency. Now, I want you to think about why is it that humans in general are not just high achievers, but humans in general, why is it that we really love perfect decisions, best strategies, most effective plans? Why is it that high achievers love this? The reason is because we have a subconscious belief underneath that if we chose the best, most perfect strategy, then we are more likely to be successful at hitting our goal. If we have the best, most perfect strategy, the best, most perfect plan, then we are more likely to be successful at hitting our goals and we are less likely to have failure. Okay? That is the key piece.

  We are less likely to have failure, so we keep thinking of, I have the best strategy, the best decision, the best plan. It's less likely that I'm going to fail at reaching my goal. I wanna tell you why this is a problem. That sentence, I don't wanna mess up. I need to make the best decision. Check in, check in.

  How does that actually feel? Share with me what emotion comes up for you when you think like, I need to make the best decision? It sounds good on paper. This is one of those thoughts like, I need to make the best decision. I have to choose the best strategy. It sounds so good. Sounds good on paper, but how does it actually feel?

  I don't wanna make a mistake. It sounds reasonable. Nobody wants to make a mistake. How does it sound though? How does it feel? Yeah. Most people will feel a lot of pressure and because we're like, I need to make the best decision and like, I don't know what's the best decision? You feel a lot of uncertainty in the present, right?

  How many of you have tried to make a decision on something? You want to take active action, right? Needle moving action, but because, oh, I don't wanna make the wrong decision, I hope it's the right decision. I dunno if it's the best decision. Like what if I mess up? What if all of that perfectionist tendency creates a lot of uncertainty right now and high achievers love certainty.

  Why do you love certainty? Cuz it feels better, feels better than uncertainty. The trouble with this, the real problem with, I don't wanna mess up. I need to make a best decision. I have to like choose, right is this will hold you back from making decisions and it just will push you further into passive consumption, more learning, more downloadable PDFs, even this webinar, okay, I'm just gonna be super honest.

  You can even take this webinar and turn this into passive consumption. I'm just gonna pause real long on that one. This webinar can totally be another way for you to passively consume information and not take needle moving action. I don't want that for you. I want you to really think about if you have had that thought, I wanna see, is this the best decision?

  I don't know, maybe I don't know all of that. Are you finding yourself more passively consuming? You're gonna find yourself like looking for external validation. You're going to find yourself like, because again, you're not taking action. You're not going to love the results on the scale. You're gonna look for fresh starts Monday morning, fresh start.

  We're gonna start all over again. And the real trouble with this, especially high achievers, have a lot of negative self-talk. There you go again, you're probably not gonna figure this out. You didn't do it yesterday. You didn't figure it out yesterday. Who says you're gonna figure it out tomorrow? Do you see how so much of this is simply wrapped up in the thought, starting with, I need to make the absolute best decision.

  I don't wanna mess up, I don't wanna make a mistake. And all this does is, again, delay needle moving action. When you delay needle moving action, your desired result of hitting your dream ideal weight is going to be kept waiting. Now, the beauty of this is to just become super aware of it, right? So what I'm doing in showing you each of these three models that high achievers are really marinating in is when you become aware of it.

  When you can observe your perfectionist brain tendencies, your procrastination tendencies, your productivity tendencies, we can actually start changing them. Okay? So for most of us, we're super unaware of like what our tendencies have been, or we're kind of aware of it, but not really aware of it. Our goal is to become really aware of what your tendencies have been, and then we get to solve it together.

  So if you have that perfectionist tendency, or more specifically you want to avoid imperfection, you will find yourself an indecision. You will not make active decisions, you will not make active progress, like forward progress. I want you to really think about forward progress is a series of making decisions. 

  Forward progress is a series of making decisions. This is something that you'll hear me say time and time again. Decisions don't take time. You don't need more time to make forward progress. You just need one moment at a time to make forward progress. Because decisions happen in a moment.

  I want you to also really think about all of the times that you have stated indecision. All of the times you've said, I need more time to figure this out. I need more time. I need more information. I'm not sure I need to make the best decision. You will find yourself constantly trying to gather information, passive consumption, rather than doing the more valuable work of clearly evaluating why you have the results you have today.

  Hey, this is the bitter pill. This is the bitter pill. If it's hard to hear, I know it's hard to hear. If you find yourself passively consuming, gathering information, sting in indecision, that's what you're occupying your bandwidth with. You are not doing the more valuable work of clearly evaluating why you have the results today.

  And because you keep doing that, it feels terrible for so many high achievers because we love the gold stars. We hate making mistakes and we don't love today's results. You will, what I like to call monkey emoji yourself, right? You cover your ears, cover your eyes, right? You will keep covering your eyes and your ears from really seeing clearly why today's results are what they are.

  And because it feels terrible, because you don't know how to engage with your results in a more productive way, in a really efficient way, you'll keep wanting fresh starts. You know what? Brush this one under the rug Monday morning. I remember it so often. This is when I used to log points and calories.

  If I was kind of near my limit for the day of like the points allotment for the day and it was the weekend and then this is when I was engaged before I was married, that's when I did the points and my hu my then fiancé would be like, you wanna go out to dinner I will, I would love to go to the Cheesecake Factory.

  I love the Sweet Corn Tamale cakes. Love the sweet corn Tamale cakes. But if you plug that thing into the Points app, it is not your friend. And I remember being like, Ooh, ooh, I don't wanna hit my point allotment. Like, let's just forget to like log the points. You know what? We'll start fresh on Monday.

  This way of engaging with how we are showing up this way of engaging with how we're following through this way of engaging with our results is going to keep you perpetually consuming and learning and waiting for fresh starts, which is going to perpetually keep you stuck on the weight loss struggle.

  And I want all of you to really think about if you are someone that loves certainty, because I know I'm a little addicted to it. I love feeling certain before I make decisions. I want you to know that that desire for certainty is what is creating your uncertainty today. How do you solve this? Start making decisions.

  There is no best decision. This is a hard one. There is no best decision. I'm gonna shout it from the rooftops. There's no best decision. There's the decision that you make best, okay? I want you to really think about what that means. It means that there's no best decision out there that you can just like pick up off the shelf.

  There's no best decision. There's a decision that feels good for you. You make that decision and then you go make it best. You see, you have to go now, do the work to make it best. And when you make that decision, make a decision. In one moment you make that decision, you go make it best. Imagine now you evaluate it.

  I wonder how that decision went. How did my implementation go? What were my results from that decision? I wonder. Let me evaluate. What did I learn? Imagine how much more high quality results you would get if you made more decisions. I love decisions. So now when you really think about these three areas. These three obstacles that high achievers have, I want you to see the common trend for all of them.

  When you are focused on productivity over pleasure, when you allow justifications to drive you to procrastinate, and when you are so afraid of making mistakes, you don't make decisions. All three of these all have one common theme. They all create delayed needle moving action. Okay? I am curious how many of you're feeling?

  Yep. Yes. Okay, so good. So the whole point of today was to talk you through these three models, have you become really clear and aware on how they might be impacting your life. And it's possible that all three of these models apply to you. I would say for most high achievers, you have some flavor of all three, but you might find yourself more in one category.

  You might be someone that, you know what? I am actually not a perfectionist. I don't mind making mistakes. I don't really have a lot of negative self-talk. I don't mind failure. I know I have to learn, but I procrastinate a lot. Right? That might be a lot of your work. Or you might be someone that really doesn't procrastinate when you like set a plan, you follow through on it.

  But you might be someone that doesn't know how to evaluate results because you hate making mistakes. Or you might be someone that's like, you know, kind of doesn't really procrastinate, doesn't really have the perfectionism piece, but you are so focused on productivity that you never take care of yourself in the moment.

  You don't take care of your mind or your body. You keep bumping into yourself the next day. So you might have all three, you might have one more than the other. So let's just talk about what is the solution specifically for the high achiever to start focusing on what I like to call needle moving action.

  There are two pieces, and I like to think of them as future aligned decisions and future focused discipline. So a lot of what I was talking about today, specifically in the perfectionist piece, is your dream results on the scale. The results you want for your life, for your relationship, for your family, for your work are a series of decisions that you're going to make, a series of decisions, and each decision is going to be happening in a moment.

  So let's talk about what they are. I want you to think about the whole point of decisions. What is the purpose? Like? Why am I focusing so much on making needle moving action and focusing on decisions is because decisions in advance is what gives your brain the direction that she's craving. If you're someone that finds yourself in, in the moment, decision fatigue and a lot of negotiating and a lot of second guessing, you made a plan, but should I follow it?

  Should I not follow it? You're going to find yourself in not only a lot of fatigue, you're going to find yourself not following through. In the moment decision making is really hard because high achievers especially are making millions of decisions in the moment of day. The whole point of making decisions in advance is you get out of in the moment decision making, and I'm doing this. I'm pointing back here because that's where your primitive brain is.

  Your primitive brain is an expert on in the moment decision making in the moment, conserving energy in the moment, not following through. You want to make decisions in advance with your more evolved prefrontal cortex, okay? That is why we wanna make decisions in advance. I'm gonna show you how to do that.

  The second piece, the second piece of solving this problem is having future focused discipline. Okay? I'm gonna tell you exactly what each of these mean. So let's start with future aligned decisions. This is what I like to think of as a strategic process that you have to build into your routine on a regular basis.

  I want you to think about not where you are today. Okay? Like for me, when I was 200 pounds, this is not about me thinking about me at 200 pounds right now. Me feeling pressed for time right now, me feeling annoyed with my husband or with my son right now. This is not about right now. I want you to think about where you want to go.

  Think about your future. I want you to imagine yourself six months from now or a year from now, or even 10 years from now. Visualize yourself in your mind for just a moment. I want you to ask yourself, what is it that you want for her? I'm just pausing here. You can write this down. If you're watching this as a replay, you can pause and actually answer these questions. 

  A year from now what do you want for her? Do you want to be at your ideal weight a year from now? Can you imagine that you're at your dream? Ideal weight a year from now? Imagine that you were at your dream ideal weight. What do you think that version of you, that future version of you, what do you think she thinks of herself?

  What do you think she thinks of herself? The person that solved this problem. The person that reached her goal weight. The person that is feeling better in her mind and in her body. The person that is freed herself from mental chatter. What is she thinking of herself? How is she feeling? What emotion is she feeling?

  How does she show up in her life? Now, here's the key, okay? Here's the caveat. Nothing in her life has changed in that her partner is the same, her kid is the same, and her work is the same. Nothing outside of her has changed. She has changed. She gets the curve balls. The tennis balls are being thrown at her.

  How does she show up? What is she thinking of herself? Every time life feels hard, something comes up, like in the moment following through, what is she thinking and feeling, and how is she showing up? I want you to imagine that version of you that has solved this problem has reached her ideal weight, and imagine that she is the one making decisions today .

  Because when you make decisions with this lens, you are going to pull yourself forward to creating her. Because remember, decisions are what get you to your goal. So imagine you're at your ideal weight a year from now, six months from now, in the future. Imagine what she's thinking and feeling how she's showing up.

  How much time does she spend in learning mode? How much time does she spend in consumption of information? How much time does she spend making decisions? I want you to actually answer these questions. There's seven decisions. I want all of you watching this training to make all of these decisions right now.

  Don't put this off tomorrow. She doesn't put things off her tomorrow, right? The future version of you who is at her ideal weight, who has solved this problem, does not put anything off for tomorrow. She does it right now. So right now, together on this training, you can pause. If you're watching this as a replay, I want you to answer these questions.

  How much time does she spend on consumption? And how much time does she spend on decision making? Set a deadline. Is there a decision that you have been wanting to make that you haven't made yet? Set a deadline. What is the strategy that she wants to implement in reaching her ideal weight? Now remember, she's a year from now, right?

  So this is a strategy that is simple. It is sustainable. It is something she can imagine doing forever. I don't think she's going to pick juice cleanses and like counting every point in calories she puts in her mouth. You have to decide how she loves to rest and relax without relying on food? How does she solve that problem?

  You know, that moment, like Friday night, for me it was Tuesday night like, I need a break. I need a break. I'm working so hard. She's working hard too. How does she solve that? How is she giving herself a break without going to food? How did she solve that? How did she decide how she was going to implement it?

  When, where, and how, when, where, and how. I think that what this question, what this one specific decision does, is it brings specifics into your life. I think it's very easy to keep piling on making a mile long list of a plan, but you don't have the specifics of when, where, and how you're going to implement the plan.

  Okay? So we wanna really get clear when, where, and how do you plan on implementing your strategy? What would you, what is she gonna tell herself when, when it feels hard, right? The moment that the tennis ball is being lobbed at her. What is she gonna tell herself then? How is she going to evaluate results? Decide. Write all these decisions, make them now.

  Okay. The second piece after you've made all of your decisions, and if that wasn't enough time, that might not have been enough time for you to make all of your decisions right after this pause or go back to that slide and actually answer and make all of those decisions. I'm telling you, it's gonna be such a gift for you.

  The second piece that is hand in hand important with decisions is actually following through on the decisions that you make. So the previous slide was making your decisions. The second piece is following through on the decisions that you make. Now, the reason that this is so hard for most humans and all high achievers, is most humans are focused on immediate gratification.

  This is very normal. There's a lot of science to this. There's a lot of research that shows that humans generally prefer immediate reward over delayed gratification. And I wanna tell you the reason for this. The reason that it's hard to follow through. The reason is that we have a hard time with discipline at the moment.

  It's because we have not been giving our delayed reward that dream goal that we have. We have not been giving it enough significance. So humans will naturally, if you don't think about your future, if you don't visualize yourself at your goal, if you don't imagine it happening, it's no surprise that your brain is not even thinking about the delayed reward.

  Immediate reward will always win out. So it's not just you. You're not weak if you aren't following through on your plan. It's simply because you have not given your delayed reward any significance. There are two reasons that high achievers do this. Number one, you just forget. You forget to visualize your dream goals.

  You forget to imagine yourself there. You think it's not valuable or useful. That's number one. Or number two, you don't believe you're going to get there. Whichever one it is for you. Maybe it's a little bit of both. When you don't give your future self your future goal significance, it makes perfect sense that you're not going to do the disciplined work to get there, right?

  Does that make sense? If you don't think about your future, If you forget or don't believe in your future, you're just not going to get there because you're not going to want to do the disciplined work that it takes. And here's the best news. Actually following through, really doing what you said you were going to do, making decisions and following through is not restrictive.

  Really think about that when you have a plan that's going to get you to your dream ideal weight. When you have a strategy you love and trust a way of eating that you really love, following that strategy and following that plan is not restrictive. It is a gift to operate from a place of discipline because it's going to create more of what you want.

  So how do you do this? You have to think about your future on a regular basis. If you've been following me for a while, you've probably heard me say, just wanting to lose weight is not enough, right? Wanting the goal is not enough. You have to actually think about reaching your goal on a regular basis. Why do you want it?

  Remind yourself why you want it. You have to know and believe that if you take disciplined action, if you follow through consistently, you will 100% of the time get there. Now, here's the kicker. Okay? This is the key. There's going to come a moment when you made your decisions, your future aligned decisions, okay?

  You've made them and you love them. There's going to come that moment where you're like imagining yourself hitting your goal. You're like, yes, it's happening. I can see it happening. You know that if you just followed the plan, you would totally get there. And then there's going to come that moment, the actual moment that it comes to following through on the plan.

  I want you to practice observing what happens in your brain. Observe the justifications, observe them. Maybe not this time. Observe this, I'll start again tomorrow's. Observe the sentences in your mind and simply allow the moment of discomfort to be there. This is the hard one. That is simply a practice. So it's hard only because we don't have room with the habit, what we were sharing in the second obstacle.

  We have the habit that the moment comes, you feel the discomfort, and our habit right now is to not wanna feel the momentary discomfort, so we just don't follow through. I want you to know if you practiced in that moment feeling the discomfort, it takes one or two moments of discomfort to follow through anyway.

  Guess what happens? Your brain starts to rewire with new habits. Like can you imagine rewiring your brain to follow through when you feel uncomfortable? Yes. Okay, so really think about there's going to be a moment of discomfort. Your brain wants to conserve energy. You get to observe the justifications.

  It's not a problem. Let the momentary discomfort be there. Take a breath and take action anyway. The beauty of this is when you marry these two together and they both have to happen, you have to do both. You have to be making future aligned decisions and do future focused discipline. You will start taking consistent needle moving action.

  You will inevitably reach your goal weight. It's just a guarantee. Now, I want you to think about what happens if you just do one versus the other. If you just make future aligned decisions, but you don't do the future focused discipline, you're not going to hit your goals. If you don't make any future aligned decisions and you're in indecision, you have nothing to be disciplined for, right?

  So in both scenarios, you have to think about how to create space for both. At this point, I've worked with enough high achievers to know that what you are dreaming of is not just losing the next 10, 20, 50 pounds. That's not your only dream. Your dream, your dream vision for that version of you a year from now, is you want to have an effective and sustainable strategy that you actually like.

  You want to have freedom from the mind chatter and the negotiating. You want to be able to handle curve balls, life happening without being derailed, and you want to create forever results, right? This is how these three obstacles work on creating the strategy. Having an effective, sustainable strategy is all about pleasure.

  It's all about loving your strategy and enjoying your strategy. Actually wanting to eat in this way forever. You have to actually be pleasure focused. Procrastination means you have freedom from mind chatter, so you have the negotiating, you have the justifications, and you know how to engage with that.

  You stop procrastinating. And then the third one is you have to know when curveballs are coming your way. The tennis balls are being lobbed at you. It's not going to go perfectly. You might miss a ball. You might make a mistake. You might gain a pound. If you don't let that stop you, if you don't allow that to drive you to quit and hide, you are going to get better at solving problems.

  And when you do all three of these, you will create more self-trust and better yet lasting results. So just as a recap, the three biggest obstacles for the high achiever is productivity driven pleasure, is justifications, and that feeling of justified that drives you to procrastinate and perfectionism, either you want to only do really well or you want to completely avoid making mistakes.

  And we have seen that keeping these three paradigms is what is driving high achievers to delay needle moving action, which is delaying your dream goals. What you really want is to have an effective strategy. You want to feel free in your mind. You wanna be able to catch your justifications and let them go.

  And you want to stop letting curve balls derail you. The whole purpose of today's real training is for you to know that there is a solution to this, and that solution is going to come from making future focused decisions and doing future aligned disciplines. You have to have both. And as you practice, because this is, again, this is not a perfect practice, you're, it's going to go imperfectly.

  As you practice making future focused decisions and discipline, practice the skill of that is going to become habitual. And as it becomes habitual, you start getting freedom from mind chatter. You start getting freedom from the justifications. You start learning how to handle life happening without derailing you.

  You start creating lasting results. So what I wanna tell you is what we kind of talked about today are the three biggest categories, and as I was sharing with you, I'm guessing if you're a high achiever and you're not quite at your ideal weight, all three apply to you. And what I would love to do, if it's okay with you, is to talk to you about how we can customize this for you specifically.

  So if you're a high achiever who has not yet reached your ideal weight, or more importantly and more likely, if you feel like you've been struggling to consistently hit your ideal weight, it is simply because of what I was sharing at the start of today's call. You didn't take your high achiever brain into account, okay?

  That is the reason that you have stayed in this perpetual struggle, and I really wanna highlight that because really think about as a high achiever, as a working mom, you have like hit so many goals in your life, at work, in school, with your family, like there's so many things that you have done. The reason that this has specifically been an obstacle, is because you didn't take into account your high achiever brain when it came to solving this problem.

  Either you didn't have a strategy that you loved. You hated the way that you were trying to lose weight. So you needed breaks from it all the time. You were procrastinating on following through because you had lots of reasons, lots of justifications for why you did not follow through, or you did not know how to routinely evaluate results with your perfectionist brain.

  Okay, it's going to be one of these three or a mix of all, and what I want to help you do on a consult call with me is to customize and really like, I want you to think of it as like a arrow to the dark board for you, like as a unique human, what of these three areas it has been for you. So I wanna encourage you to book a consult call with me.

  You can go grab that at theunstoppablemombrain.com/connect and we will talk about you. So we are going to go through the lens of how each of these three areas has specifically impacted you. So we're going to look at the result that you have on the scale today. I'm going to ask you some questions that's going to really help us hone in on what the real problem has been.

  Has it been productivity driven, pleasure? Has it been procrastination? Has it been your lack of evaluating? It's going to be a flavor of all three, and I want to really help you see very clearly which and how much of each of these things it has been for you. And then on the consult call, I will help you create a customized way of solving this.

  And this is something that I do routinely with my clients inside the Unstoppable Group. We solve all three of these, right? We solve all three of these. But I want to, on the consult call, help you see, given your unique brain, your unique mom brain exactly how we can customize this to you because we are each unique, and so there's going to be a different flavor that applies to each of us.

  So don't wait another moment. Open up a new browser and book your consult call with me, theunstoppablemombrain.com/connect. I keep a couple of spots open per week and they will fill and they get filled on a first come first serve basis. So don't wait. Go book your consult call with me and we will talk about you. How today's training, how today's masterclass applies for you, and then really how to solve it.

  And this really especially applies if you are someone that has been like, you know what? I've tried so many things in the past, I want you to know, I know you have. Because if you wanted to lose weight for a while, you likely have tried so many things in the past. I see you. And also what I want you to know is the reason that you have an ever-growing pile of the past is because you didn't take this high achieving tendencies into account.

  And it wasn't a part of your routine process moving forward, right? The way that you reach your ideal weight is not just what you're going to eat. It's not just a meal plan. That's like me trying to solve something with like five minutes of effort. I can make a meal plan in five minutes. If that was it, that would've solved the problem for all of us years ago.

  If it was just about making the best meal plan, we would've solved this problem years ago. Solving this problem is not about the meal plan. It is about your high achiever brain and having a routine process that will really solve the problem. So that was my presentation. If you have any questions, you can come to the Q&A box, ask me, tell me all the things that are coming up for you after today's call.

  Which of this resonated? I procrastinate every single night, right? And this is true, right? So like if you really think about how many of us have like the best Monday morning or like every morning, it's like I feel this gust of motivation. I'm like so committed. Like today's the day, right? Today's the day I'm gonna like follow through today. It's it like today's the day and then because like it feels really good and I wanna just be super clear, right? It feels really good. That morning motivation, that Monday morning or that fresh start feels really good planning also feels really good. Let me tell you why. Because we're envisioning a future.

  Planning feels really good that Monday morning feels really good because we're imagining this future. What we haven't done is remember that real life has to happen in the middle, and there's going to be moments of uncomfortable action. To create that future we have to take uncomfortable action. And I think that that is the piece that is just a part of hitting any goal that is worth it to you. And only you'll know. I think only you will know if reaching your ideal weight is worth it to you. So if you are someone like that's like, I've tried so many things. I've tried all these strategies. I want you to come onto a consult call where we can really talk through the things you have tried.

  I wanna hear. I wanna like really talk you through what are all of the things that you have tried. Let's go through each one and I'm going to ask you, did we take your high achiever brain into account? I would be willing to bet you did not take your high achiever brain into account when you applied all of your past attempts.

  The only reason that they were an attempt and they were not successful is you did not take your high achiever brain into account. I feel that confident about it. Okay. So we are at the top of the hour. If you are watching this as a replay, do not wait. Book your consult with me, let's talk about you. And if you have any thoughts or questions from today's class, share it with me over at [email protected].

  Drop me an email and I'd love to hear from you. And I hope you guys enjoy today's class, and I will see you at the next one. Bye. I hope you all enjoy listening to this masterclass as a podcast episode and know that you can always come back to this specific episode as a refresher. Pleasure, procrastination, and perfectionism are at the core of why high achievers are not hitting their goals on the scale, and I want to help you solve this.

  Like I shared at the end of this masterclass, if you haven't yet hit your ideal weight, it is simply because you did not take your high achiever brain into account. And that means really folding in strategies on a regular and routine basis that account for pleasure, procrastination, and perfectionism. I want to invite you listening to this episode to a one-on-one consult call with me where we can dive below the surface of this masterclass into your unique life.

  I want to hear about the strategies that you have tried, and together I will show you how pleasure, procrastination, and perfectionism have been the reason that you haven't yet hit your goal. And on this consult call, we will customize a solution for you. Yes, on this consult call. Our conversation is about helping you more deeply understand what your obstacles have really been, and then really understand the high quality solutions that are available to you.

  If you're interested in booking a one-on-one consult call with me, you can head on over to theunstoppablemombrain.com/connect. I've opened up just a few spots per week for these consult calls, so don't wait to grab yours. Head on over to theunstoppablemombrain.com/connect and we will talk on a consult call to customize and understand your solution.

  I cannot wait to talk to you on one. I'll see you guys next week. Bye. Thanks for listening to the Unstoppable Mom Brain Podcast. It's been an honor spending this time with you and your brilliant brain. If you want more resources or information from the show, head on over to theunstoppablemombrain.com.